JenO4's Journal

frustrated again Mood

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

so i wiped before i am pretty sure its the start of AF.....i have been dealing so well with everything, but now i feel so frustrated. why month after month is nothing happening? what are we doing wrong? are we not bd'ing on the right days? not enough times during the "right" days? i try and try to be positive i try and try to think it will happen one of these months, but with each month i am losing more and more of the hope that i have left. i am tired of feeling this way. i wish i could give up on ttc, i really really do wish i could just say to hell with it and just move on, but i want this so bad but it hurts so bad at the same time. i am also trying to decide about IUI #2. we had planned on doing it during this cycle but i don't know. i almost feel like that will be a waste of time as well. i sometimes think maybe this is all not meant to be, but then again we have been pregnant twice, that must mean something right?

i just don't know what to think right now. i mean i don't have the full blown start of af yet but i know this is her. plus i am becoming extremely moody which happens every month right before she shows. i just wish i had more answers, i wish i knew why this happens to people....and what is this "unexplained infertility"??? i cannot stand that phrase. i don't even know if i qualify as that because i have had one pregnancy where there was a heartbeat and one that ended too early.....i am talking in circles now i am sorry about that. i am just feeling so frustrated and i am so lost as to what to do. some days i think i should just try and save money so we can do IVF but there isn't even a guarantee with that!! i guess i just need to get this all out so that i maybe will feel better tomorrow?

why do we need to go through this?

thanks for reading this ladies!

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Comments

Hi Jen, I think that you being preg successfully two times already is a sign that it is possible. Everytime I feel discouraged about not being successful, my husband reminds me that some couples try for years and years with many m/c or difficulties in ttc with a final outcome of exactly what they want....a little baby that is theirs. I also believe that you have to know when enough is enough for your own sanity. Be true to yourself and do some soul searching as to what you have in you. I have faith that you know the answer, and you will do what is best for you and DH in the end. I am sending you hugs and strength!

ens
I know how frustrating it is month after month of trying. I got pregnant once on my own before, but lost my son at 25 weeks. I never thought it would be this difficult to get pregnant again. Hopefully you can get pregnant again without any treatment, but at least you know treatment is out there. I just had my first negative this week from my first IUI. We'll probably be trying IVF in July. Hang in there.

Jen2279
I know how frustrating this whole process is! And I won't lie it sucks really bad. But you have to hang in there. I know it is easier said than done but try and stay as positive as possible! It has happened before so you know it can happen and will happen again I truely believe that! Know I am always here if you ever want to chat or vent or anything.
xoxoxo Megan

MeganL
thank you thank you!!!
i know i am not ready to give up this if just gets a hold of me sometimes and i just get lost for a minute...once af is gone we will start the process al over again....xoxo

JenO4