Jebekarue's Journal

I thought I would be writing here more often, I have been so busy.  With the kids in school, then they started basketball, Melanie was at Sylvan 2 days a week, they were in a play at church then Christmas, going to dads to clean the house, plus work. 

So the week before mom died my dads last brother passed away, I don't think I mentioned that at any time.  I don't know how my dad has handled all of it.  he seems to be doing ok, he is traveling and visiting family.  He gets out of the house every day, goes to the Y and exervises, goes and has coffee with his buddies 2x a day.  

Vic's grandmother passed away last month, he was gone for a week, I couldn't take off work to go with him because she wasnt "immediate" family.  I felt horrible, that he had been there for me with my mom and uncle and I couldn't be there for him.  The 3 deaths in less than a year has really taken its toll on all of us. 

Chris is taking everything so hard.  He scared me a few weeks ago when he said I wish I could just do something to get up to heaven to be with nana.  I called our minister of children at our church and told him what he said and what I told him and he was confident it was a fleeting thought but to watch him and talk to him and see if he has made any kind of plans.  He hasn't.  He just had some allergy testing and the dr put him on a peanut free diet, poor child, he already couldn't eat peanut butter, but nuts didn't bother him.  He has to have a root canal before he gets his braces at the end of the summer, plus his eczema, plus the pre teen blues.  I just wish I could wrap him up and take all his pain away.  

I was just diagnosed with carpel tunnel, and Disc degenerative disease.  I have spurs on C4-5 and C5-6 along with spondylosis and lordosis in my neck, please don't ask me to explain that cause I can't.  I had the mri week before last and had a nerve study.  I go to the neuro surgeon on the 9th so they can determine what I need done.  I told my dr that I don't have any pain except in my shoulder and hand and my lower back.  He said we need to take care of my neck first then we will work on my lower back.

I was in a car accident in 2003 and tore my rotator cuff, I fell down a flight of stairs and hit 3 steps on my lower back when I was pregnant with my son in 1995, and was in another car accident in 1996. So i can see where my back problems have come from.  I just don't understand why the neck with no pain is more important than the lower back with pain.  

I am 36 years old and I feel like I am 90, I have no energy, I have hypothyroidism, now to add these other problems, plus Chris's problems.  I was talking to a friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in a long time in a chat room (not on here) and someone said if I had your problems I would kill my self I told him good thing you aren't me then.   It just seems like one thing after another, the only good thing going on right now is our finances are finally getting better which is a big plus.  Not having money worries tends to make everything else a little better cause that is a big worry with me.