mommy#3's Journal

Journal Entry for December 20, 2007 Mood

Thursday, December 20, 2007

HI,GUYS SORRY I HAVE NOT BEEN ON MUCH MY COUSIN LOST HER BABY TO AT 22WKS THE BABY WAS A BOY SHE HAD A FUNERAL AND ALL AND I HAD TO GO TAKE PICTURES OF THE BABY FOR HER BOY THAT WAS SO HARD!!! LOOKING AT THAT BBAY AFTER IT HAD NOT EVEN BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE I LOST MY BABY AND KNOWING I NEVER GOT TO TAKE ANY PICTURES AND DID NOT GET ANY FLOWERS I HAD NONE OF THE STUFF SHE DID FOR HER BABY THEY JUST TOOK MY BABY AND THEN SENT ME HOME !!! AS FOR AROUND HERE THINGS R JUST GOING I GUESS TODAY IS THAT WONDERFUL DAY I HAVE TO GO GET HIS KID AND PUT UP WITH THAT IDIDIT I CAN'T EVEN SAY HOW SICK I AM OF DEALING WITH HER AND IT GETS WORSE EACH TIME HOW SICK I AM OF ALL OF IT !!! SHE IS JUST A TORTURE CHAMBER I DO NOT EVEN CARE TO LOOK AT HER AT THIS POINT ROGER AND I HAVE BEEN INTO QUIET A BIT YESTURDAY I HAD THE FUNERAL FOR MY COUSINS BABY AND AND I LOCKED MY KEYS IN MY CAR SO HE GOT MAD ABOUT THAT AND I ASKED HIM TO PLEASE NOT FUSS AT ME AT THAT POINT THAT IT WAS HARD ENOUGH ON ME HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO WORK HE SAID F*** U AND HUNG UP ON ME I DON'Y KNOW WHAT HIS PROBLEM WAS BUT I THINK HE COULD HAD ACTED A LITLE BETTER THAN THAT !!!! TODAY HE IS ALL ON THE THING ABOUT HIS KID SAYING WE NEED TO GET HIM AND GIVE HIM A BETTER LIFE LIKE I CAN JUST MAKE THE COURTS GIVE HIM TO HIM I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE HE WANTS FROM ME I ALREADY DO MORE THAN MY PART FOR THAT KID HE SAYS WELL THAT IS MY SON LIKE DUH I DON'T KNOW THAT I SAID YEA U KNOW THE ONE I WAS CARRYING WAS ALSO YOUR SON I JUST FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE HE SAID WELL I CAN'T DO NOTHING FOR THOSE BABIES NOW THEY R NOT HERE ?????? I SAID TO MYSELF WELL WHAT U COULD HAVE DID FOR THEM U FAILED TO DO HE COULD HAVE LET ME REST WHILE I WAS CARRYING MY BABY AND THOUGHT OF THAT CHILD FOR A MOMENT INSTEAD OF PUSHING ME TO GO GET HIS KID WHILE HE WAS GONE TO WORK BUT DID HE NO!!! HE COULD HAVE LET ME ENJOY CARRYING MY BABY WHILE I HAD HIM AND NOT MADE ME DEAL WITH ALL HER SHIT SHE MADE ME MIRIABLE THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT AND LAST HE COULD HAVE ASKED THE DR'S TO GIVE THOSE BABIES ABCK SO I COULD HAVE HAD A FUNERAL AS I WAS IN NO SHAPE WITH ALL THE MEDS I HAD TOLD HIM BEFORE HAND HOW I FELT ABOUT IT !!! THOUGHT HE SEEMED TO FORGET THAT AND SAYS HE THOUGHT I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THE BABIES WELL IF HE CARED SO MUCH FOR THOSE BABIES HE WOULD HAVE ASK FOR THEM BACK HIMSELF INSTED OF JUST TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL DROPPING OUT A BABY AND THEN JUST EXSPECTING ME TO BE OK AND GO BACK TO NORMAL THINGS LIKE GOING TO GET HIS KID AND HE IS REMINDING ME THAT WE MISSED TWO WHOLE WEEKENDS WHILE I WAS 1 HAVING MY CERCLAGE SURGERY WHICH WAS TO FOR HIS CHILD AND SOEMTHIGN THAT COULD NOT BE HELPED AND TWO WHILE I WAS HAVING HIS CHILD AND RECOVERING SOMETHING ELSE THAT COULD NOT BE HELPED I MEAN WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO FEEL BAD FOR THAT I SHOULD NOT THAT WAS FOR MY CHILD AND IT WAS FOR HIS CHILD TO WHICH IS ALSO HIS SON EVEN THOUGH THEY R NOT HERE HE LIKE WASTS TO ACT LIKE FATHER OF THE YR BUT I'M THE ONE DOING THE WORK NOT HIM U DON'T GET FATHER OF THE YR WHILE SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT FOR U OR MABEY U DO ?????????

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Comments

I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. I hope he get with it soon and starts taking your sacrifices and feelings into consideration. You deserve some TLC. Good luck. I hope this weekend doesn't drive you insane....or rather more insane than it normally would... :O)

keriraye
wow. i can't believe he's being so insensitive. i still think you should try to go stay with family for a week or something. to take time to greive and heal without him putting you down and making you deal at his pace. i'm praying for you. my heart goes out to you. love and hugs, meg

MEGNEEDSABABY
I'm not sure what to say about Roger. My DH NEVER talks to me that way (the FU thing). However, I did want to tell you that you may be able to get a picture of your baby - call your dr. and inquire. One of my friends lost a baby late like you and there was a pic in her file that she didn't know about. Hang in there, Honey!

cherbear74