mommy#3's Journal

Journal Entry for December 13, 2007 Mood

Thursday, December 13, 2007

OK GUYS I THINK I AM REALLY LOOSING MY MIND NOW I WENT TO GET ROGER'S KID TODAY AND HIS MOTHER AFTER ALL THE HELL SHE PUT ME THROUGH WHILE I WAS PREGNANT AND THE MEAN THINGS SHE SAID SHE SAYS TO ME I'M SORRY U LOST YOUR BABY AND SHE SAID WHY DID U HAVE SURGERY WHILE U WERE PREGNANT ANYWAYS ??? SHE SAID U NEED TO GIVE UP THAT IS WHY U KEEP ON LOOSING BABIES IT IS TRYING TO TELL U SOMETHING AND U DON'T NEED A KID WITH ROGER ANYWAYS SO SHE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME HE IS HORRIBLE OR SOEMTHING LIKE EWWW A KID WITH ROGER AND SHE HAS ONE SO I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I HAD TO GET MYSELF IN MY CAR AND GET AWAY FROM HER IT JUST UPSET ME SO BAD I CRYED ALL THE WAY HOME AND NOW I THINK EVERY SECOND I HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS AND HER KID I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE BEACUSE SHE HAS A KID BY A MAN I LOVE MORE THAN LIFE AND OURS IS GONE AND SHE IS SAYING IT IS A BAD THING TO HAVE A KID WITH HIM AND I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING FOR OUR BABIES BACK I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF I CAN EVEN DO THIS WHOLE THING ANYMORE THIS ONE MAY BREAK ME I KNOW IT SOUNDS MEAN AND IS NOT THE KIDS FAULT BUT AT TIMES I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT HIM I KNOW THAT IS MEAN MAN THEY SAY U HAVE TO GO THROUGH DIFFRENT FEELINGS AFTER THIS AND U JUST HAVE TO LET YOURSELF WORK THROUGH THEM I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIS OTHER KIDS ONLY THIS ONE DUE TO JUST THE WAY SHE IS AND I FEEL SHE NEVER NEEDED THIS KID WHICH IS NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR OPINIONS I HAVE BARELY EAT ANYTHING IN TWO DAYS I THOUGHT I WOULD BE OK I WAS TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE AND TRY TO SAY TO MYSELF DON'T FEEL THAT WAY BUT WHO IS SHE TO TELL ME WHAT ME LOOSING BABIES MEANS AND WHAT IT IS TRYING TO TELL ME I MEAN SOMETHING SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER NOT TO HAVE 4KIDS BY FOUR DIFFRENT MEN ATLEST I AM WITH SOMEONE I LOVE I AM KINDA SCARED THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY MARRAIGE BECAUSE I FEEL THIS WAY I WOULD NOT GIVE UP ROGER FOR ANYTHING BUT I JUST WANNA WALK OUT AND NEVER HAVE TO SEE HER AGAIN AND NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THIS HURT I DON'T WANNA BECOME SO BITTER THAT I WISH BAD THINGS ON PEOPLE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IT SEEMS LIKE NO ONE GETS THIS AND I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS SAYING GIVE UP AND THEN I ASK MYSELF IS THIS TELLING ME I DON'T NEED ANYMORE KIDS ? OR WHAT ? PEOPLE CAN MAKE U THINK BUT THEN I THINK PEOPLE LIKE HER SHOULD FEEL SOME PAIN SO THEY CAN SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BUT SHE WOULD NOT CARE IF SHE LOST ONE SHE HAS KILLED TWO BY ABORTIONS SO I GUESS THAT IS OK ????????

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Comments

I understand how you feel but if having another baby is really what you want then don't let anyone stop you. It took me over four years to get pregnant and everyone told me to stop and give up and then when I lost my first in April I had to listen to everyone tell me how it was not meant for me to have kids only to be an auntie and work with kids that just how god meant it to be and as you can see I'm 31 weeks pregnant right now so follow your heart two weeks after I lost my baby I was pregnant again and I was not even trying it just happen four year of trying and a miscarriage sex one time and I ended up pregnant with a healthy baby God is good so don't ever let anyone make you feel like you should give up on something you really want because if I would have listened to all those people I would have given up on one of the best things that has ever happen to me my daughter!!! and of as far as his child mother goes tell her to mind her business she just doesn't want you to have a baby with your husband for her own selfish reason!!!

allie26
I wouldnt give up til you get what you want..You really deserve happiness..Dont let anyone tell you other wise..You have been through too much to give up your hopes of having a baby now..you are a very strong person I know you can do this..Just stay strong and dont worry about all the negative stuff people are send ing your way..take care

carrie1012
Sometimes the hardest part of losing a baby is the STUPID things people say. I can still recall some of the idiotic things my "friends" said to me after my first miscarriage 7 years ago. If you still want to try, then keep trying and don't worry about what anyone says. When I got pregnant with the baby I lost in Feb. I told my husband we wouldn't try again when I started bleeding, but once it was all over, I felt compelled to try again. I wish I knew what to say about dealing with the mom of your stepson but I've never been in that position. Is it possible to just not talk to her - just pass the child off? Try to remember NONE of this is the kid's fault. Hang in there!

cherbear74
i'm sorry she's still giving you a hard time. i think you need to do two things: STOP going over there period watch the kid fine but STOP contact with her let roger be a man and daddy and communicate with her, and secondly i think you need to get away from roger for a few days, stay with family friends someone, you need time to greive and right now your anger is just going to get in the way of progress. okay and the other thing i wanted to say was- she's not a doctor and is just being bitchy, until you go through menopause you still have the possibility of another child. you can't give up yet, you are still young and your life isn't over. there is hope! take care. i'm here for you. love and hugs, meg

MEGNEEDSABABY