terrys's Journal

Went back to my dr last week.  Found out that my nurse did get the messages i left and my dr did re me to a gastro dr.  She told me if they didn't call to schedule an appt "soon" i should let her know and she will re me again.  It's the same dr who did the exam of my esophagus and stomach - upper gi? - and I liked him so it takes the anxiety out of the anticipation of the colonoscopy a bit.  I am waiting for it to get late enough to call the clinic and tell the nurse they haven't contacted me yet.  Dr said if they tried to sched me for the colonoscopy before an office exam to tell them I needed to talk to my dr 1st, not to schedule anything and call her right away as she wants me seen in the office first for a consult to tell him what all is going on that i know and what i suspect.  She has also scheduled bloodwork and a session with the hospital stoma nurses and a follow up with her.  To add to the joy I came down 2 days later with a nasty viral thing in my chest and throat and head.  The next day I got my period and those have gotton extra stressful now that I seem to be entering menopause.  So the week end has been a joy.  Bought some plants last week to finally replace my mom's which were torn out by a neighbor before i could move them when the property was sold.  That is a joy.  I go smell them everyday.  Been neglecting my meditation since I got sick the last few days so gone back to it trying to catch up.  Still on the topic of sharing and was also the topic of last ea meeting.  Sharing strengths and weakness' in the 5th step.  I didn't have any trouble sharing my weakness'.  I'm used to being told that on a daily basis so it got to where it didn't bother me but strengths was another story.  I couldn't come up with any.  I finally had to ask people i knew what was good about me and then I made another discovery about myself.  It was horrible to me to listen to them tell me.  I wanted to run.,  I forced myself to write it down so I coudn't just forget about it and I force myself to go back and read it periodically.  It's still painfull.  I asked my therapist why.  He said the familiar is always more comfortable than the unfamiliar.  Even if the unfamiliar is a more positive and the familiar is a very negative thing.  If it's someting i'm used to hearing it's easier to hear.  Going to do more meditation to try to catch up and finish this sharing topic today so may write another entry later.  Need to go try to leave my dr a message now.