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Haven't written an entry for awhile. I learned i have seperation anxiety and have spent some time on that group site. There is little activity on that board so am posting my entry in my journal as well.
I agree about the activity and understand about feeling different. I'm different from most of the people i see in this group. They are moms of kids with anxiety or teenagers breaking up or young people missing their partners. I'm 50. I've had this as long as i can remember. I think it started as a baby with a disability going through numerous hospitalizations for long periods being without anyone i knew. This was my childhood. I could not stay anywhere, relatives' houses, friend's houses, without my mom. I missed out on a lot, like sleepovers, because of it. I lived in my parent's home till they died. I slept in my mom's bed till she died - this was probably her own anxiety that something would happen to me in the night and she wouldn't know. Something did. I became so anxious that when she died i almost did too. In the hospital i learned not to make friends because they leave and never come back. I became agoraphobic later, afraid to leave the house. I have a tendency to isolate and not make friends and the few i make i strangle. When they leave or even die i go to peices. I never realized until i saw this group and started reading that this was what's wrong. It helps to understand. I hope it's not to late to recover.
I found this list of symptoms of teen seperation anxiety on the boards. I had a great many of these symptoms but in those days no onbe recognized these things.
Phony behaviour – superficially charming • Avoiding eye contact • Lack of reciprocal affection • Indiscriminate affection with strangers • Self-destructive • Destructive to others, objects • Animal cruelty • Poor relationships with peers • Preoccupied with fire and/or gore • Asking nonsense questions • Little control over chattering • Inappropriate clinginess • Inappropriate sexuality • Lying in the face of the obvious • Poor impulse control • Learning delays • Lack of conscience • Lack of understanding of cause and effect • Abnormal eating patterns • Fear of intimacy • Lack of trust • Distorted view of self • Feelings of shame • Feelings of being unlovable • Sense that they are bad • Difficulty asking for help • Low motivation • Poor academic performance • Difficulty relying on others
Comments
Read this in 1 of my friend's journals today. Shyness is fear of negative judgement. This is very enlightening for me as I never thought of it that way before and it gives me a different way to deal with my shyness.
Comments
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Being afraid of judgement
is part of my daily life.
Especially at work or while
studying since I can get
punished financially or by
failing the subject I am studying.
I deal with my fear by working hard
and dealing with people and situations
assertively and directly. It hardly turns out
as bad as what I thought in my imagination.
How do you deal with your fear?
with friendship always, Ida.
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that cld help with the panic attacks of the agoraphobics to that was good great friend there !
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All of my life I have been shy. I attribute it to not a lot of association with other children as a kid. As I became older it has been the fear of judgement. When I began working and school, I made myself come out of the shell, but that increased my anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. Why? Because it was all an act. Through a lot of therapy, I am now learning to be the real me. If people like me, that great! If they don't, so what! LOL
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Gonna try this again just typed a load and it deleted it. Ty for the comments. I used to deal with it by avoiding getting attached, that's how i became agoraphobic. 1 grew from the othert andfed off it. This knowledge does help with the agoraphobia. My 12 step program says to act as if, fake it till you make it. At first the symptoms increase but as assertiveness to learn to express my feelings and detachment to deal with seperations as they occur become habit and not fake, the painful symptoms decrease.
Well it's been a hard week. The day before I drove by the tornado I discovered an open sore on my big toe - left - I had a lot of things to do and didn't have time to go to the dr. I can't reach my feet to put a band aid on it so I decide to just keep it clean and let it heal. I wash my feet with a foot brush which extends my reac. Soon it seemed to go away. Then somehow i tore the corner of that toenail off down past the quick and down the side of my toe. I don't have feeling in my feet so I don't know when I did this. The first I knew of it was when I took my shoe off and saw blood had seeped through my sock. Again I decided to keep it clean and keep a sock on it since I couldn't bandage it. This time it didn't heal. My cousin who had come into town and who i had been telling this to offered to come bandage it for me and brought antibiotic cream. She took one look and said that needs a dr. She bandaged it a few days and it rapidly got worse so Tues I ended up in the er where the dr pulled off the rest of the toenail, cultured the pus, directed me to my personal dr to get a referral to the hospital to get it dressed daily and sent me home with an antibiotic and a perscription. Next day my dr's nurse saw it and bawled me out. She got me a first hospital appt for tues. and has dressed it daily ever since. The antibiotic tore my stomach up at first and is driving the infection throughout my body. I have a sore throat, cough, fever, caused me to break out in acne and I feel constantly exhausted. But the toe looks so much better I may not need more than 1 appt at the hospital. I take my last pill sun. and my nurse will dress it for the last time mon. My depression is kicking me bad. I am even considering leaving this site.
Comments
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Gosh,
Im so sorry to hear this. It must be so painful. Trust me I know a thing or two about pain. It sucks, but what can we do? I will pray for you my dear. Now about leaving DS. I think sometimes we all want to. It's easy to feel ignored, especially at a time when we need to feel wanted. But we all are going thru so much. I get sad to the point that im in tears because I just dont have the strength to hug everybody or answer every message. Some people have taken me off their friend list but I tell myself not to cry and to just let it be. So just really think about it ok. Im sure you are needed here more than you think.
Hugs for ya,
Niecy
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The first thing I have to say is DON"T leave the site. I have gone through two similuar situations. One without the site and one with. The difference in my mental state amazed me. The site made things so much better
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My Lucy rubbed her ankle pretty bad at the pool and I didn't even notice it either until I went to give her a bath that night. I forget all the time about her not being able to feel anything and it was all torn up. I think because of all the chlorine was the only reason it didn't get infected. You gotta take care of you........you also can't leave DS....I don't know what I would do without learning from people like you that can give me advice on how to deal with Lucy when she gets older. (puberty is hitting her hard and it scares me to death!!!!) Message me if ya need anything!!! Heather
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DONT leave its a mistake, with all the prayers and happy people is worth trying laughing is good medicine,believe me i was gonna lve after the troll visits cuz people didnt want me with my baggage but the ones who stuck with me were true friends,sure we cant go out with you only pretend but we need each other thats what friends are for, pls think about it okay,let me know,love deby
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Hey, you just asked me to be friends with you. I haven't even got a chance to get to know you, yet.Whatever the problem may be there surely are more pros to staying than cons. Please be kind to yourself.
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Sometimes I feel like leaving the site t oo when I get so depressed.It feels like nobody cares or even wants to talk to me.But please dont .its not good to isolate yourself when your feeling bad .People really do care and want to be a support to you.I look foward to getting to know you.Take care.
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i have those same things too( the reason as you) . I did not realize until a couple years ago. today I am working hard to get over it. Just tske it hour by hour. you take minute or do like i did when I first started. I took one second at a time then one minute. Oddly it was a hospital stay that helped start the road to recovery. That slips sometimes. I am thankfl because I still have my mom so I am going work harder so I am not faced with things you had to.
KLWebb
YOUR IN MY AGORAPHOBIC GROUP AND WE MISS YOU, BUT YOU STRUCK A CORD ONLY THE OTHER WAY AROUND. MY DAUGHTER HAS BILARY ATRESIA SHE WILL NEED A NEW LIVER IN THE FUTURE PLUS IS PRONE TO SEIZURES ME BEING DEAF LET HER SLEEP WITH ME TILL SHE WAS SEIZURE FREE FOR A YR. NOW SHES IN A BIG GIRL BED BUT A ZILLION HOSPITAL VISITS I STAY AND SLEEP IN A CHAIR,SHE HAS NEVER EVER HAD A BABY SITTER OTHER THAN MY HUBBY AND SHE IS FIVE SHE WILL BE HOMESCHOOLED THIS YR FOR GRADE K TILL TRANSPLANT CUZ THE DRS CANT GIVE US AN ANSWER ON HOW HARD SHE CAN BE HIT IN THE TUMMY I SICK KIDS AND 35 HEALTHY ONES WHOSE TO KNOW HOW BAD SO AM HOMESCHOOLING HER ,,WE ARE OLDER PARENTS WITH HER THREE OLDER ONES 38,35,33 AND SHE IS 5 ARE WE DOING THIS TO HER TO????
DebyDavis
Kl, you're right about taking it as my program says 1 day at a time sometimes just taking the next breath is a challenge. Mary, there's no doubt this type of thing can have an effect. But 50 yrs ago no one knew much about it. I think if i had had a theripist etc to help me deal with things a lot of the damage could have been avoided. My parents had me late too. My momma was 42 when I was born and my daddy was in his mid 50's. I would give a warning do what you can for your child, watch for the signs and get her the help she needs as soon as she needs it. It was such a shock when my parents died and i was suddenly and quite helplessly alone. I had to learn to do adult things with no momma to call on the phone and ask advice from or just vent to.
terrys
~hugs~ I hope things are going better for you... am sorry to hear you going through so many trials and tribulations
RubyMcC