kestrel47's Journal

Journal Entry for October 6, 2007 Mood

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Having a very 'weird' day today sometimes I think I have been talking to myself in public! I get so caught up 'inside myself' that I lose my self awareness, I can see myself when I get older as one of those 'bag' ladies talking away to herself! Gosh life is tiring, it feels as though my tank needs refilling as I am having to push myself on spluttering and spurting. I go to California in two weeks but I cant look forward to it as all I can think of is leaving Gwinny. I hate this damn BPD, somebody said BPD is as if your mind is your own worst enemy, they got it spot on.

Hug kestr...

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OH HONEY WE ALL TALK TO OURSELVES AT TIMES AND YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY ONCE YOU GET THERE I KNOW YOU WILL MISS GWINNY BUT JUST THINK OF THE WELCOME YOU WILL GET ON YOUR RETURN ..XX

ladyglitter
You are not weird at all. Shoot, I talk to myself all the time. And guess what? I ask myself questions and then answer them. Like I didnt already know the answer. So dont think your weird at all. Im the one thats out there in left field somewhere. Im not even sure if Im still on the field or not. Im sure you will enjoy your trip once you go. Sure, it will be hard to leave Gwinny, but at least you know who will be caring for her, she knows him and like Lady said, just think of the welcome you will get from her when you come back. She will be by yourside and under your feet to the point that you will wish she would just go lay down somewhere and give you a break LOL...Thanks for all your support and know that I love ya dearly.
Hugs....Julie

indygal
Dear Kestrel,
I'm often caught "talking to myself," & when someone "smarts off" I reply, "Yes I was. It's the only way I can have an 'intelligent' conversation around here." ;)
If you feel BETTER staying home w/ Gwinny, stay home w/ Gwinny. I feel very comforted by my "kids" & our routines. Gwinny would be in "loving hands" while you are away tho'; so if FEAR is holding you back... Personally, I grow more "homebody/agorophobic(?)" everyday. It's a tough call...
Prayers & support,
Sean

SeanM
Hi Honey, I talk to myself all the time. You can guarantee a sensible conversation that way. Tom XXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom999
You will miss Gwinny and I would be sad to leave her too. But as you said she loves your ex. Just think how happy she will be to see you when you get home. It will be a lovefest. I can imagine getting everything ready is overwhelming and tiring, but when you get there you will have so much fun and hopefully have time to enjoy and relax. Time to add a few great memories to your life. The few times I go on vacation, it is bittersweet too. I hate to leave my home and I worry about everything. But once I get there I enjoy being away and then I enjoy my home more when I return. Remember you never would have bought the airline ticket if you didn't think Gwinny was in good hands and that you would enjoy yourself there.

jcbmom
thankyou so much for your comment....so sorry you are having a hard day. i so sympathise with the sorrow of leaving gwinny....i am like that with bruno....unhealthily so i am sure....when i leave him with my partner....although admittedly only for a short while because of his condition....he apparantly settles and just gets on with things. of course its not the same....but at least she wont be in a kennel but with someone she knows and trusts and so even if she misses you she will feel safe. you will probably feel worse than her. but keep her in mind....thats what i was told wolves do for their young when they hunt....and it keeps them safe.....but above all.....keep you in mind...you have the lovliest heart....and im sure the universe wants to protect that heart and those that dwell in that heart. tell gwinny that you will be back....and then go off and look at the sky and feel the earth under foot....we are all connected.....and will reach out. thinking of you.xxx

lonelyasacloud
i'm agoraphobic, so i hate to leave home. there have been times i thought i "shouldn't" go, and it turned out i wss so glad i did. just do what you feel stronger about doing. i agree with lonely...you'll be connected with Gwinny no matter where you go:)
i also talk to myself a LOT..lol!
i love you, janis

moonstar
think of as doing something good for yourself....gwinny would like that......something bright ,sunny and new....do some expoloring....it will be good for your soul.....something you can look back on with fond memories for the rest of your life......love thomas

bigriver
"I get so caught up 'inside myself' that I lose my self awareness" I know EXACT what you mean, I wish I didn't. I also wish I knew how to make borderline go away...I am working on it, I am sure you are too. keep it strong, many hugs from me

whisper1215
We all talk to ourselves is right! Don't get hung up on it, it helps keep us focused on whatever we are thinking about. Blessings.

Snuffles