DestinyIncarnate's Journal

Wow this has changed since i was last here! I managed to get through the last year of university and am on a break until about July when i get to go through the trauma of finding a job! In this time i have been diagnoses as having Aspergers Syndrome which could have helped cause everything else!

I realised also that by denying who i was i wasn't helping myself with things very much ~ Laughs ~ With exam stress i went through a very serious binging/purging episode but that has shockingly pretty much vanished since i started this break! The thoughts only appear when i am facing something liek leaving the house to go to museum i go to once a week! I liek the peace though i worry everyhting will just flair up again when i job hunt! The exercising has decreased dramatically as well which i am really happy about, i just waste time surfing the net even if i am not looking for anything in particular (that's how i have ended up back here!)

December was the worst downpoint when i nearly gave up completely but it changed everything since it happened and made me more determined to enjoy 2008 (its the year of Neptune making it something that should be my lucky year...or so i like to believe lol!) 

Well this was an interesting experience! I found 5 cigarettes on a bus to my univrsity on Friday so i took them and yesterday i had one and today i had the other 4 and i cant say i really understand why people smoke! I dont understand either why its always said that people who havent smoked before cough as i knew what to do instantly! I think so unless there is a way you are meant to draw out the nicatine or something ~ Laughs ~ I dont know i dont think its something ill actgively go after!

Hell the only reason i did it in the first place was well because they were there, were free and the whole smoking kills thing is attractive since i kinda want God to take me off this Earth in place of someone else and im helping him out by giving him the option of giving me cancer ~ Laughs ~ Its annmoying to try and hide the smell though! I went on a long wodner around kthe area around my village! Between 3 to 4 miles and i still smelt like an ashtray! Luckily no one was home as i dontwant them thinking i really have taken up smoking!

I was gonna make them last out for a while and have them like on Fridays when im at university but ity was always at the back of my mind so when my brother left i went out of the house and smokd them all! Its the same proncipal as with food! If they arent ther ei wont desire them and even if i do i cant do a damn thing till net friday when i can go to a big supermarket ~ laughs ~ Maybe someone can explain the lure of cigarettes sometime lol!