Jenn8's Journal

<>There's this picture of me as a baby randomly lying on the desk next to me. I can't keep my eyes off of it. It's like, I want to reach through the picture and hold that baby. Craddle her in my arms and promise to protect her. I keep whispering I'm sorry.

I keep having the same memory over and over again. It's one I haven't thought about in a long time, and it won't leave me alone.

...It was raining. I remember because it was the cold rain, without the thunder..the best kind. The kind, if it had been any other day...any other night, I would have stayed all night in. He was mad at me. He made me get out of the car and walk home. It wasn't far, but I remember pleading with him. Begging him not to drive away.

I remember standing on the sidewalk, soaking wet, sobbing so hard but you'd never notice...watching his car drive away.  I remember whispering his name, calling him back. Feeling a gut wretching abandonment.

This is killling me. I need to call my therapist but I hate doing it. Monday's an eternity away, and I know by the time it comes I'll chicken out of all my goals.

Eye contact is definetly on this list. How stupid is this, I've been going to my therapists website just so I could practice my eye contact with the picture. Yeah, I'm pathetic.