Rubluetoo’s Profile

Rubluetoo

Male, 51, CA

Member since June 30, 2007
is feeling Horrible
About Me
Recovering alcoholic/addict, Bi-Polar 1 with schizoid & depressive personality disorders. I know pain well! Dad was shot (murdered) when I was 10. My only child died from SIDS in 1998. Best friend and wife passed (overdosed) in 2004. Mom just passed two months ago. Othen then that just a regular guy.
Interests
Animal advocate. All nature. Staying alive.
Recent Activity
- Sorry, there is no activity in the My Activity feed.
- Read Journal
Journal
- A drunk is a drunk and always a drunk
  
  May 5, 2008 5:11pm
  
  I got the results form my liver biopsy via postal service. A whole bunch of medical terms. But thanks (I think) to the internet I was able to get the …
- Journal Entry for May 3, 2008
  
  May 3, 2008 5:44pm
  
  FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY! I'M A LONER & LOSER. A EMPTY SHELL OF A HUMAN. IT WON'T BE LONG NOW. TOO MUCH!
- Life is a bitch then you die
  
  May 2, 2008 4:26pm
  
  I'm freaking suffering!! It's getting hot!! I used to live for the summer. Now it just adds to the suffering. Of course living 5 miles …
- No clue
  
  May 1, 2008 5:14pm
  
  Been months since my last journal entry. About two months ago I went for routine blood work for my Hepatitis C. I have been sober but my ALT …
- Journal Entry for September 27, 2007
  
  September 27, 2007 8:09pm
  
  Wow, been awhile. Not much to say. We have fun in our youth. Then get sick one way or another. Then we die painless if we are lucky. Or make …
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- Hug
  
  From kestrel47 May 30
  
  I hope life gives you a break soon, love and affection Margxx
- Hug
  
  From shelleyvalentine May 5
  
  Didn't mean to patronise you I am very very sorry. What else can I say (nothing)!!
- Hug
  
  From itsmylife May 2
  
  i am sorry you are feeling so hopeless these days. i know you know feelings come and go but you also know that your illness plays a part in depression. it is good to keep journaling so you can continue to stay connected. that helps my depression. yes, i detoxed off alcohol and benzo's cold turkey in january and it's not fun. this time, st least, i didn't have a seizure. i am trusting the process and i know going back out is not an option for me any more. i gave addiction my best shot ...and i lost. thanks for sending me the heartfelt message. i appreciate it. devon
- Hug
  
  From gamcxox April 29
  
  reading what you have gone thru and going thru right now made me very sad. if u need to talk i am here.
- Hug
  
  From itsmylife April 29
  
  just wanted to send a hug your way. i have hep b and my best friend who lives with me has hep c. his bloodwork is very bad also. i wish to i had gooten clean sooner but what can you do? it is what it is. i picked up a 60 day chip today. glad you're with us. d.
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Support Groups
- Close Bipolar Disorder
  Diagnosed Bi-Polar #1 in 1996
  Treatments
  
  Abilify Not Working
  
  Worthless
  
  Depakote Not Working
  
  Horrible! Gained 65+ pounds. Finally lost the weight.
  
  Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Somewhat Helpful
  
  Same old stuff with many different therapist.
  
  Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
  
  A group is as good as you make it.
  
  Haldol Not Working
  
  Horrible drug for me!
  
  Lamictal Working / Worked
  
  Again, not for me.
  
  Celexa Working / Worked
  
  Best anti-depressent I have found.
  
  Clonazepam Working / Worked
  
  Great for anxiety, panic disorders and sleep. Caution only two drugs will kill you from withdrawl without other complications. Benzos & alcohol.
  
  Lithium Working / Worked
- Close Alcoholism
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Cocaine Addiction & Recovery
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Codependency
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Personality Disorders
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Self-Injury
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Heroin Addiction & Recovery
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Meth Addiction & Recovery
  Rubluetoo hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
- Open Depression
  Type: Clinical (Major) Depression
  I'm diagnonosed with BPD, as well after taking many weird test's, also depressive & schiziod personality disorders.
  Treatments
  
  Effexor Not Working
  
  No real positive effect.
  
  Elavil Not Working
  
  Same as most for me.
  
  Celexa Working / Worked
  
  Too long for detail!
- Open Hepatitis C
  Treatments
  
  Interferon Working / Worked
  
  Cure was worse then the disease for me.
- Open Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
  : I have lost a child to SIDS
  My only child a boy (Skylar) died in 1998 because God knows best.
- Open Back Pain
  Years of chronic back pain. Now it's Post Laminectomy Syndrom.
  Treatments
  
  Methadone Working / Worked
  
  Works great! But there is a huge trade off. Like selling your soul. Pain? What pain?
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Friends
- Doug
- junggl
- bebu
- tannyb
- rach32
- Tina232
- cherrie
- angelmarie
- bsheep13
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