julies3's Journal

eaier this week we did have  a nice talk, but I started to get my hopes up, that he is going to change, and we are once again going to have a marrage, and I cant do that, I much move on like he has, and even though it is hard for me, I know that I cant have any more contact with him, Am not going to me mean, but when he calls the kids can answer the phone he is call to talk to him anyway, I would just sometimes answer the phone to say hi. but I cant thinking that he is going to come back, I need to face the truth, that this is over, other than that talk, he has done doing to try and fix this, and this weekend again, he desided to go out with his friends, instead of seeing his kids. my son said to me the other night after he found out, that his dad wasnt comming here, that dad, doesnt come here, because he hates you, and doesnt want to see your face, he is tierd of you yelling at him, that stopped me in my tracks, I asked him why he thinks that, and he said because my dad told, me that, okay that hit home, and I did call him and ask him why he would something like that, and of course he said he didnt say that. it doesnt really matter if he did or not, but it hurt me that, my son thinks that, and blames me for his dad not being here, or seeing him on the weekends, I did sit down and tell him the truth, that his dad, was going to a car race, that why he wasnt comming, not because of me. now I know why my son has been so angry at me. but it also made me realize that I was angry too, and even though I have every reason to me, I cant let it control my life anymore, I have wasted too much time and engry hating him, and it is time to move on, he has and now I must too, thats another reason for me not haveing any contact with him, it is easier for me to act like he isnt even here. we will see how the week goes, keep me in your thoughts and prayers I will need them, this will be a true test of my strength. and plus my mother in law has the kids for 4 days, because they are on spring break, and I have to work, so instead of them having to me in the house all day, they can  do things with her, and they will also be close to their father, and he will get to see them too, It was hard to let them go, because she isnt my favort person, but they wanted to go, so I let them, I cried when they let, but maybe the peace and quiete will be good for me!