julies3's Journal

Journal Entry for June 21, 2008 Mood

Saturday, June 21, 2008 | A Rambling story

today I had to go to his house to get somethings that were left there, when we got there I didnt go in, I waited outside, then the kids came running out saying that he was laying in bed and wouldnt move, so I had to go and check on him, He was fine just sleeping, he said he had been up all night, as I walked though that big and now empty home, I almost started to cry, what memories we had, all the dreams of how we were going to change this and change that about the house, and now it is just this empty shell. It saddens me, to see him this way, how could he be happy, being all my himself in that house, not even sharing his life with our kids, why would anyone want to live that way. when we got back from the beach, I had to go back there to get our son, and again I went in, My son was eating, and wanted to finish, and he (stbx) invited me in, I just walked around the house from room to empty room, trying to figure out once again, why, why do this, we talk to each other, and act like we are friends, and he didnt even fight over anything to do with the divorce, he probaby would of given me anything I asked for, I didnt leave anything but our bed and the dresser (because they wouldnt fit into my new home) and he didnt care, shit he doesnt even have a garbage can, and is useing a bowl as a ashtray, it is so sad, How could he go from a happy family life with everything that life could offer, to this, a loney shell of a man,living in this empty house, he doesnt even have food in the ice box, in fact the only food in the house is dog food, How could this make him happy. I know I should care after all I have been thought, but I was with this man for 19 yrs of my life, and it kills me to see him this way, He was such a wonderful giving husband and father, and to see him turn into this new person just rips out my heart! I didnt say one word to him, just acted like nothing was wrong, and we talked somewhat, really dont have much to say to eachother, just about the kids, wow I spent 19 yrs with this man, and now I can even have a talk with him, we use to have things in common, but now all has changed. I guess seeing him this way will have to be something I have to get use to , I know there is nothing I can do, I have tried, and I was turned down,, I guess his pride is a powerful thing!

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Comments

From reading this I can sense ur pain. Sometimes there are not ment to be answers to our questions.
All that is important s u and the children, the ex has choosen his path, dont give him sympathy or even empathy.It is all self inflicted.
It all works its self out in the end.

noturaverage
I'm sorry this is such a rough time for you. I am sending up prayers and special thoughts for you. ((((Hugs to you)))))))

hugzygrl
it sounds like he needs to be on medication..it also sounds like you are way better without him and your moving was the best thing. you sound so strong and seeing the house and how it is shows what is in his heart too. he isnt who you married. he is a stranger

justthe5ofus