julies3's Journal

Didnt sleep very much last night, my mind just wouldnt go to sleep!

While I was lieing  there I thought am at peace with all of this  I dont like it, and I know it will be hard for me to say my final goodbye to him, but am at peace, I know that I made my mistakes, and I know I have said all of my am sorries, and I ment everyone on of them, I didnt mean to take him for grated, I just never thought our love couldnt get though anything, I thought that even after all the mean words we didnt really want to say were said, and we were both done being angry at eachother, that we would find eachother again!  we would start new. but that wasnt in your plans. I know that I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I gave you everything I could, I loved you with everything that I had, and it just wasnt worth it, yoo wanted more, wanted me to be someone I wasnt, wanted me to just be your wife, not your partner and not your friend.  I couldnt hold on anymore, I want and deserve more than you can give, I dont just want a husband, I want a best friend, who I can share my life with, and you didnt want to be that! I know that if I could go back in time and change whatever I did wrong to make you feel the way you felt , I would, if that meant I could have my husband back, really back, the sweet, understanding , loving husband you once were, the husband, that when I looked into his eyes I saw love, and knew I was loved. that is who I want not the person, who you have become, maybe this is why am at peace with all of this, See he isnt the man, I fell in love with 19 yrs ago, He is someone different!!! So I guess am ready for the end of this week, I havent said anything to him about what we are supose to do on thursday or friday, but I do know am ready, not happy but ready!!!!