julies3's Journal

I dont even know where  to start, Iam really feeling this high right now!!!! I have finally taken all the  great advice that I have gone, and finally told him how I feel, and have said goodbye! I told him that seeing him this weekend was the turning point, looking in his eyes and not seeing anything but anger, and bitterness, and that scared me, he has changed into someone who I dont even want to be friends with, and I sure in the hell, dont want my kids to see that anger, but as I said to him, that it will only be a matter of time, that he will turn on them, to, their love will no longer be enough for him, just like he did to me. I said that I got the 3 best things that he could ever give me, and I will still get to see them grow up, I will be there for the laughter, the tears, and just all the day to day things, and what do you get, 1 hr a weekend, 5 mintute phone call a night, from where I stand, I win.,  I dont get a shit about the money it was never what I wanted, I wanted for you to walk through that door, to fight for this marrage, and you didnt, i wasnt important enough to do that, and now I rather be alone for the rest of my life then to spend it with you, see I know you read my journal, you have know for a long time, my thoughts and my weaknesses, and you used them againist me, you knew all along, that this was hard for me, so you played it againist me, you played mind games on me, you knew I wasnt strong enough to fight you, so you kept the insults up, you kept belittleing me, you kept telling me I couldnt do this on my own, but now those are only words, I am doing this, and I dont need you to love me, It is about time I love myself!

               Later today, my kids broke a window in our house, and I couldnt get a repair man, to come until tomorrow, and since he works night, I thought what the hell, I asked him, if he would come here tomorrow morning, while the dude was here, so I didnt have to take the day off of work, and guess what his answer was~~~~~ No I have no gas to get there, SO I said okay and hung up the phone,

                 Later that night yet another phone call, I said well you wanted to be friends, and I asked you as a friend to do this, and you wouldnt, so now I need to see you at face value, I need to stop making accuses for what you do to me, see it for what it is, and he said well am a piece of shit, and I said yes you are~ If you would of called me I would of done it for you! but that is the difference between me and you, and I much rather be me, than you, See when we sit down and sign those papers I will go home , and be able to look myself in the mirror and know I did all i could to save this, but not you, you are the one who did this, to this family, and that is something you will have to live with, for the rest of your life!!!!! I hope it was worth it in the end!!!  

  Man I can feel the strength!!!!!!  Thanks to all of you for getting me to where I am today!!!!!!!