julies3's Journal

dont even know where to start, but I cant sleep becasue all these thoughts are going though my head,  last night was bad, by the time he got here, I was so mad, because of what he did to the kids, that I let him have it, instead of keeping my mouth shut,  but the kids were so upset, and that got to me,   I did fine out he read my journal, the one I keep in my room,  so he knows this really is hard for me, and he used that againest last night, he knows I still have feeling for him, so he was saying things, like why would I want to come home to someone like you,  (because I was crying) he sees that as a sign of weakness!  he also said I was a misable person, which after all of this was over, am a misable person,    no I dont see myself , as that, I know I enjoy life, and yes when he comes around am not too happy, but when he isnt here and I dont have to deal with him, am a happy person,  he makes me misable, seeing him, wanting the old him back, seeing what he is doing to my kids, how he is hurting them, that makes me misable, .  Iam now able to take a step back and see him, in a different light, he isnt a happy person, he is a very angry bitter person, who really deserves to be alone, its just a shame because he always wasnt like that,  and to watch him change, has been hard, but he is going to get what he deserves, he will be alone, because I can no longer stand by and watch him fall into his hole,  now i guess things are up to me, what my next step is, is now clear, anyone know a good lawyer, because the sooner I get on with this the better, I can no longer deal with this, or with him,  after the things he said to me last night, I know what my choices are, so now I have to make them!