siddler's Journal

Journal Entry for August 30, 2007 Mood

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Well today I got an appointment made to see a therapist next Thursday. It's set up through the Catholic diocese so I'm hoping they won't be preaching at me. I've got a lot of "sinful" things to discuss and it won't be much use to me if I can't be frank and honest. I'm hoping that it is just a regular therapy session without any religious overtones.

I'm nervous. There is only one therapist in this program and if she doesn't work well with me, I'm out of options again. I guess there are other sliding scale therapists out there. I'll just have to start searching harder. It can be difficult to go out and get it though. It's taken me 13 years just to get an appointment made so I worry what will happen if she doesn't help me.

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Comments

I believe you are totally capable and it is completely possible for you to get help. You've been doing pretty damn good on your own for the past 13 years. You are functioning and working and able to be involved in the world somehow. You will be ok. I'm here for you. :)

lonekitsune
Well I am working but I am not functioning well. I'm able to pretend that I'm okay but I have a lot going on internally. I have suicidal thoughts with more frequency now. I never had a suicidal thought until the past year and now I have them often. I know I need help and I'm trying to get it. My life was completely out of control last winter and I lost everything. I had spent every dime I had on crack cocaine, stole from my family and my boss at work, all in the name of getting high. I've since made amends with all the people I have wronged but it doesn't make it any easier on me psychologically knowing what I've done in the past. I have a lot to deal with and though I can put on a good face, that's what I've always been good at, I still struggle immensely internally and that is the worst way. I have no outlet so I'm hoping that the therapist will be one.

siddler
sometimes other churches have sliding scale therapist too. I think the Lutherian church does. I can't remember for sure. Don't give up Hang in there - it will be worth it.

Kim456
Hello my new friend!
Great that you made the appointment. We look forward to hear that you went! :) Have a T-Riffic Saturday...

stevenfarrisohio
Thanks all for your supportive comments :-)

siddler
Good luck with the therapy. Thanks for the journal comments.

LizzieD