melliethebee's Journal

Well i got through Liams first day.. Suprisingly!!

Talked to Levis mum yesterday.. she said shes so proud of how ive come through it all and how ive dealt then  stopped and thought about it all and realised im really proud of myself.

A few things i really regret like not having him burried instead or cremated and not having more photos with him when i had the chance. I used to blame myself, like i should have protected him, but i think the truth is no matter what i did to protect him, it still would have happened, it wasnt my time to be a mumma. As hard as that is to say.

I got a name plate on the babies tree at the cemeteary. Its really goregoues. Its this metal cut or of a tree, with lots of little name plates. The tree is for miscarriage and stillborns. A way for parents to acknowledge there bubbas who never got to see the world.

I didnt write much yesterday, i kept trying to be positive, it was hard. But then i saw my friend Katrina, I met her at Uni shes a identical twin aswell its cool weve become really close these days!! i feel like i have known her forever. sh was my main support yesterday. Damian was dealing in his own way, we both had levi to help us.

Damian stuffed up at work, lucky his works understanding i guess!! Otherwise maybe he woulda been in lots of trouble!! he broke 200 poanels, they cost about $200 each roughly i think. He wasnt paying attention. But his work new about Liam so they sent him home. He was asleep on the couch when levia nd i got home.

We had a talk this morning, he said he never realised how much he loved and missed liam until yesterday!! He is staying home from work today too. Hes been so tired from working so hard to support us. Levis day care is so expensive, but i cant even claim any goverment money for him unless Kathy legually signs him over and because shes in rehab, her benefits been cut otherwise she would have given me that money!!

Hope everyone is doing well!! XXXX

 Love you Liam