melliethebee's Journal

OKay took a test-RESUlt was POSITIVE

Three weeks today

I spoke to Kathy yesterday and it seems shes had a huge breakdown and done more drugs.. so for now Levi remains in my care which im happy about. I just wish his mother would get her shit together, i know she cares about him, but him being with me is to easy for her!! SHe doesnt have to worry about him being clothed or feed cause im doing it all!!! I love having him so im not really complainiing!!

I feel so tired lately and quite sick, i have a funny feeling i may be pregnant. I dont want to be. Its like its to cliche, your partner dies and you suddenly get pregnant. It would e a blessing if i am?

I just worry about having Levi and a baby of my own

THis is what i said at damians funeral.

I didnt write it down i mjust said what u felt at the time, but my mum recoreded it then wrote it down in case i wnted to save it for any reasom. So i thought id share ut with you

I could stand up here and tell you Dmaian was the best person ever and that hed never done anything wrong, but that would be wrong, i could tell you lots of funny stories about the good times weeve had, but im not going to, cause most of you have heard them, or have stories and memories of your own, so im just gonna tell you how it is, the real Damian.

When Damiana nd I got together things werent perfect, we had our share of problems, there was so any people who didnt believe in our relationship,we had our doubts, but we tried our best, and just focused on our rellationship, regradless of what other people said, we shared so many happy times, those memories i will always have, but we had our share of sad, as losing liam. When we lost our little boy i thought to myself right this is it, that was our lesson and now things are gonna be good for us, but then it followed with Losing Helena and Tayha. But like always we got through it, like we always did.

When we first got together damian was going through some stuff, he wasnt always perfect, and there was times when i thought to myself is this really the guy i wanna be with, but then id look at him aand any doubts i had would be gone, man that boy had my heart from day one. Damian was the best partner i could ever had asked for, yes he new how to bug me, and as many of you know he was very good at it, sometimes he just wouldnt give up till he totally pissed me off and a chucked somehing at him, but mosta the time it wa funny, i would give it back to him, especially about driing my car, how he was so mean to my car but yet he drove it nearly every day. He was so unqiue, i remember the first time my family met him and instantly they all liked him, even dad who pretended he didnt!!

 I love how Damian accepted my family for who they were, he loved and cared for my sister like she was his own, he would have done anything to help her. Everytime he rung me or was about to go out or to work or something, he always said to me "I LOVE YOU", I loved that baout him, he took every chance he could to tell me how much he lovedme, i usually got at least 10 texts  aday saying "I love you". Its just the kinda person he was, but looking at him you would never think he was such a sweetheart, He was so loving and caring,

I remeber how he was with Levi,they had a bond right from the start, when Kathy asked me to take Levi, He wasnt to sure, but he took to being a instant parent so easily, he loved having Levi around, but it was that point where we decided to wait to have a baby of our own, till we got everything sorted out.

My greatest regret is that he never got to live his life, i wish he would have got to live alittle, he never got to do all the plans he had, but the one thing i know, as he left us happy, the last night i saw him,  he put Levi in the car and said to him " I love you little man, be good for Aunty Lissa and ill see you tomorrow after work", then he turned to me, i was grumpy at him for not coming home and grapped me in his arms and said " dont be grumpy baby, im just havin a boys night, go home and have a good sleep, I love you" Then he gave me some money to take Levi out the next day. That moment will forever be in my mind, at least i got my last kiss from him.

I Used to get so shit about the way id always have to do everything, his washing, keeping the room and house clean, aswell as doing Levi!! It was so annoying!! But i guess thats how he was, he went to work so he just figured it was my job, but however he was very good at making dinner butterchicken and toasted sandwiches are his speciality!!!

 When we lost Liam, i thought it cant get any harder then this, but i never for one mintue imagined i may lose damian to, i spent three awesome years with this boy and i wish ity could have been longer, but i know in my heart hes up there somewhere with our little man watching over me giving me the strength i need to kkeeep going thrpugh this hard time.

I just want to Thank everyone for the support you have given both me and Levi in the last few days. WE couldnt have done it all with out you all. Thank you so much.

Damian... I love you forever and foralways my heart it with you.. Thank you for always supprting me in my dreams, and loving me for who i am, you gave me the strength to succueed. I love you