Kimimila's Journal

Journal Entry for June 25, 2007 Mood

Monday, June 25, 2007

You know how you wake up and just so want there to be some kind of message for you, somewhere - something that tells you all will be okay for today - well not there. I hate this gut wrenching feeling - this feeling of doom that hangs overhead. I am a dreamer - I want a quick fix - my mommy to just come and take away all the fear and tell me everything will be okay. Shit - my mommy - I am 51 years old - what a sick pupppy this one is.

The weather doesnt help - it is gray and raining yet another day. For how long does it go on? At least the weather matches my mood - I dont have to pretend to be that happy positive person everyone thinks I am.

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I still turn to my Mom, too. So I'm just a sick pup, too! :-) That and the nonjudgemental, unconditional love from animals. My Mom's puppy (Buster) always makes me feel better. He doesn't give a crap what kind of mess I'm in. He's always happy to see me. How cool is that?! But don't forget the support of friends, too - I'm here!

Suzy1968
Thanks Suzy - I have 2 dogs and they are absolutely the best - even when they are being pains! I think a huge part of what is my problem is the friends - most of them are "takers". this morning I had a friend IM me on msn. She asked how I was and I told her I was not good. She said "oh, can you babysit today". What about not being good says i am able to babysit. They just take take take......

Kimimila
Oh, my dogs are Winnie - a porteugese water dog and Khola(a lakota word meaning best friend) they both weigh 75 pounds. Khola was is a spca puppy and was supposed to be a lap dog!

Kimimila
Your dogs sound cool! When we watch dog shows I love the portugese water dogs. And 75 lbs isn't too big to be a lap - at least in your pup's mind :) Buster is a Boston Terrier and a big growing boy. At 10 months he's 32 lbs. That's a lot of Boston! His brother (Mr Ripley) lives next door to me and isn't nearly so big. But the bigger the better when it comes to cuddling with a good doggy friend. Yeah - human friends can be so self-absorbed. I think we befriend takers partly for the same reason we have other issues - we don't always put ourselves first and take care of ourselves. So it sets up a pattern for others to follow. I was married to a taker and finally had enough. I'm trying to take better care of me now.

Suzy1968
Suzy, you are dead on right - the bigger the dog, the better the cuddle! Also, the more we have to take care of ourselves, the more "takers" we have in our lives. If we have to worry bout them, we don't have time or energy to worry bout ourselves. The thing is when I see those self absorbed takers at work, I am thankful I am not one of them. It is the happy medium I am unable to find. I wonder what makes a mind so sick that it will put its owner at any risk and create such pain to make sure others have what they need. Hope your day was good for you. It is really good to have a new friend and to be able to talk about what is really on my mind. Thank you for being here and for allowing me into your world. Kimi

Kimimila