bugged's Journal

Well my friends, feeling much better today - still have a headache - but occasionally I get hit with Migraines and I guess this is just one of them.  Went to work - was busy - and to top it all off - I thought I may have broken a toe - not sure how - but my gawd the pain was excruciating!  Its not bruised or anything - can't put any pressure on it - so I gimped around all damned day - feeling normal at the moment - but who knows if it will come back or not - someone thought maybe it was gout!! OMG - I am getting old!!!! Gout is an old persons' disease isn't it lol....

Have been trying to kick all those negative thoughts out of my head - seems to be working because I'm feeling a little better. Or perhaps it is just the fact that I forced myself to sit down - look at my financial things - and started to deal with them - its not great - but I'll be okay.

You know sometimes  I just miss talking to him - I miss my friend - but realized last night and then again today - I have better friends around me, who truly care and are supportive and who reach out and just help me along.

I don't need need his friendship - he says he wants it - but I think he has said that to ease his guilt - as well - I don't care what he thinks of how I'm handling things - if I'm sad or not when he's around - it's not his problem - and I'll be damned to pretend what I feel just to make him feel better!  if it eats him up or bothers him - so what - it should - that's his price and will be his burden to carry not mine.

Jess is sick again - cold - but I heard a tidbit from Jord and his GF that she has had another fight with her boyfriend.........grrr just another messed up relationship and just pisses me off that she lets him beat her down emotionally because he's immature and is so unsure of himself that he doubts her feelings for him.  I guess when she was out on Sat night with the girls she ended up giving a friend (guy) a ride home - he had been drinking and she did not want him to drive home - the right thing to do - but he's jealous and is now giving her a hard time.......Its hard to criticize her when I'm doing the same thing by letting her dad - beat me down emotionally all of the time - so to be a better role model - its  time to start speaking up and letting the Kids know - that I won't be doing that anymore - they need to see me strong - she needs to see me do the right thing and hopefully that will encourage her to do the same

OMG - its amazing how much mama bear stuff we have inside of us huh - don't fool with my kids!!!!

Jord went back to the doctor yesterday - the panaloc seems to be helping with the ulcer so the doctor gave him prescription for 6 months - no need at this time to do the MRI, Ultrasound, blood work at this time - so that's good news.  As well he found out that they are going to sign him up for the apprenticeship now - his boss wanted to make sure that this is what he wanted to do before finalzing it - so that's good news too. 

Getting boxes together - going to start packing his stuff in it and removing it from my site - perhaps that will be some closure for me - start to let it all go - so that I can continue and to build a a wonderful life for myself and my two kids!