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It's Friday night - I spent the evening cleaning my kitchen - it's starting to look a little better. Just trying to tidy up around here a bit - the kids don't seem to get it - I've told both them this week the hosue is going up for sale - I need their help - their response - don't worry about it we'll do it tomorrow - but you know what tomorrow comes and nothing ever get's done - that's why this place looks like it does. You know what they fail to understand I work all week - full time - I spend time making sure they get to work - they get to their sporting activities, I cook, I clean - I do it all - I guess that's where I made my mistake - even my ex - the house was never clean enough - something - but you know what - looking back - he never helped me either - it's always what I could do - I'm tired of doing -but I will.
Trying not to get over anxious about tomorrow - I spoke to both my sister and my mom today - they both told me they wee proud that I finally took the step to do something about this. They are right - it's time to move on - to get this done with, you see even being separated a year - I'm still married - that's how I am - I need those legal papers to say it is one - that I'm divorced to move on. I know that - so on it will go.
I have a few things to say to Kevin tomorrow - I want to know and I demand to know what he is and is not going to be responsible for - you see I have a little trust issue with him - he get's pissed off when I say that - but it is what it is.
I do not trust this man - he has turnd my life upside down - he had told me that I was the love of his life - that we would be together forever and he led me to believe he was a family man - he lied. He tells me that he doesn't want anything from the sell of the house - good of him huh - he's being such a good man - what utter bullshit - if I make anything - my parents need to be paid back - they lent us the money for the down payment on this house - they've helped us out when things got bad over the years - he also says he will continue to pay for the car and get it paid off so that I can trade it in and get something more suitable for me - well - it would've been more suitable had he listened to me when we bought the damn thing - besides that - it isn't worth anything - he has illusions of grandeur - he always thinks things are worth more than they are . He said he will continue to pay for the repairs to the car - and he will pay Jess the support. You know what - If he comes thru with the repairs to the car, and her support - I will leave his truck alone - but if he jerks me around - I'm going to fight - he is not going to walk away from this scott free - no way no how. He has dumped so much on my shoulders I've had enough.
The house has to be sold - I guess i can live with that - it has to be done. The dog has to go - because the kids and I will be moving into an apartment and there are no pets allowed -
I am telling him tomorrow that he has to take the dog with him - as fond as I am of him - he's very territorial - I have to have people come into the hosue the next few weeks to get it ready to sale - I cannot keep the dog. He will have to do this - the least he can do
I have supported our two kids over the past year - I have been there for them when they were down - I have no said anything bad about the man - I will continue to do that - but I've had enough . I've heard my daughter express how sorry she feels for him - because he has no money - hell - he makes 3 or 4 times what I make a year - and I'm the one feeding, providing shelter, gas and insurance - but no one feels sorry for me - why because they expect that of me.
I see that I have been the one that has built the relationship between the kids and their dad - it was me who kept him informed on how they were doing, what they were up to - when they were sick when they were happy - everything - no more - that is now up to him - I get that.
It's very sad actually - because he has no relationship with his son - and again that is what it is - I can only be there for the kids myself - as their mom. I will do that the rest of my life - but it is their father who has to step up on his own to be their Dad.
I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow - but it has to be done. Another step to take in rebuilding and reclaiming my life.
I have to be strong and I have to remember not to let him push my buttons - I need to drill through my head - that his reaction and his feelings are not my problem. I don't care - I need to look after me
so wish me luck my friends - wish me strength!
Comments
i wish you all the luck in the world, just stay strong
kalasam
Hey Bug; I know what you mean about "trust". I have no trust whatsoever in what my ex says; he "lies like a rug". So, if you are depending on his support for Jess or for the car, you might want to get that through the seperation agreement in writing and filed with the court, otherwise, you are at his mercy. He needs to do more than that Bug. Jess is living with you; that money should be paid to you for her care; to help you put a roof over her head and to feed her, etc. I bet he is paying her a whole lot less than the child support guidelines would spell out. You should check those out "on line". They are pretty black and white. He has x amount of income, then he has to pay x amount of dollars to you to support her. You will probably be surprised to see how much that is. Don't let him make some arbitrary decision about what he is willing to pay; there is a law around that and it appllies to him too. You are doing great Bug; just need to get over this huge bump in the road of life, then you can move on. I remember how much stress was removed from my life once I had a legally signed seperation agreement which spelled everything out. Even though he didn't abide by it; I eventually got the Court to hold him accountable for his share; but now it is back to court again for him to explain why he isn't abiding by the latest court order. So haven't seen the money yet; but I will "someday". Oh it is a long process if they won't stand up and be a "man" and take care of their business with their kids; but they can't avoid it forever. Maybe you should get the seperation agreement done before you sell the house and that would include what is going to happen to the proceeds from the house. Better to have that in writing Bug. Or if the agreement can't be finalized, maybe you could just get a lawyer to draft up an agreement concerning the house and have him sign it; it would be worth it, then you know what is what. Especially since you can't trust him and if there is a woman in the picture, which there is, she may be very influencial when it comes time to sign off on the sale. Just watch out for yourself Bug; you are doing all the work on the sale here; he is doing dick all so that is what he should get.
debpei