MariB's Journal

"The best cure for a sleepness night is to listen to yourself talk."

Last night I was so tired and in more pain from the car accident. Went to sleep a little later with the heating pad and the kitty/pet followed me. Was restless throughout the night and early morning. Wasn't talking out loud in my sleep but thinking about the things that I need to take care of, prioritizing them as well as analyzing them and situations....Working through what I had to do in order to deal with some of them. Doing what I can since I'm still in ongoing pain etc. The heating pad helped a little. Wish I had an electric blanket again. It didn't work out when I was married even with dual control since my ex didn't like the heat. He was naturally warm/hot. We ended up with me using my side that was heated since there were dual controls. My mom that is dead had bought it for us. It was thoughtful of her..... Woke up very thirsty for water early in the a.m. with the tiger kitty next to me. Was having pain and started to get upset about being in the two accidents. I was still going to physical rehab and starting to feel a little better when the second person hit me. Had to go back to rehab and more again. Still ongoing... It would be quite upsetting for anyone and my younger sister that knew that I was having pain issues and more from the accidents still hasn't come over to help me with anything. There is something very wrong that had happened after I was doing what I should have for me and others with professional counseling.... Some of them never go or continue to go themselves....My sister gets upset sometimes when she asks then I tell her and she can't listen to some of the things....She never seems to stay in counseling herself then again most people may not..... I used to be very shy years ago and had many wonderful friends even with being that way......Anyway if it, a car accident had happened to my sister plus the other things I would have helped her out and always did when I could. After that person threatened to blow up our house that we, ex and I sold, whether he meant it or not, and more things had happened after I was in professional counseling, did what I should have and went back to it again....It's too long and I'm not going to get into more details here right now since when I did what I should have even with professional counseling, I know that I'm not the problem. It's the dynamics of the people and situations. It's grating on me LIKE IT WOULD ANYONE especially since I'm still in pain from the accident. I'll just continue to focus on the things that I can do right now and the positives while dealing with the trauma. I'm thankful to know many good people, have some truly great friends and some very good family. I've worked with and for many good people as well. There are situations in everyones lives that they may not have any control like being hurt badly in two car accidents, being a victim and more. It's okay not to have control. When we have no control and let the things go that we can't do anything about but did our best then we get more control in our lives. I'm not a control freak but sometimes have anxiety that anyone would have from the things that had happened. I trust myself and like others. No one deserves to be in situations that are harmful to them and others especially when working through them and doing the right things for themselves and others. There are good things when dealing with challenges. I've had alot of challenges. What does not break us, makes us and we can get alot stronger in many ways.

It's wet, cold, dreary and rainy outside but it doesn't have to be that way inside. Today I'll focus on as much that I can get done, take care of the pain and other issues when I need to, like now. I'll probably be up very very late this evening. Have to take my pain medicine and get back to some things here.         

I hope that everyone has a really good day and a lovely evening!:)

Luv, Mari