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I just feel sort of numb. My sister called a few times yesturday morning, she knew I was upset so she came over. It was the first time since the miscarriage I actually broke down and cried in front of her. She told me it's ok to be upset and it doesn't seem fair that Tessa is pregnant and I lost the baby. I told her I didn't want anyone to think I was selfish and I was afraid everyone would just forget about my miscarriage now that Tessa is pregnant. She said a lot of people are still asking her how I'm doing or asking how I'm handling the news of Tessa's pregancy. But no one asks me so to me it seems like they are all over it. I definately don't want Tessa to know I'm upset, she is only 18, she must be scared to death as it is and I don't want to add to her stress. I will see her tomorrow for the first time at our cousin's birthday party and I am so afraid I won't be able to hold it together. I just want to hug her and tell her everything will be ok and that I am here if she needs me. Even if she wasn't pregnant I would still be dealing with this pain, thinking about my baby every minute of every day. This just added a bit of salt to my wound. I know I will eventually heal but the scar will always be there. To tell you the truth, if I was still pregnant, I would be thrilled that Tessa is pregnant. I felt sort of sad that my baby wouldn't have any little ones to grow up with. My sister and my older cousins are in their twenties and they aren't anywhere close to marriage. (Not that you need a ring to get pregnant) My sister and Tessa are the only ones with boyfriends right now so I didn't think another baby would be on the way for a long time. I know I can get pregnant again (hopefully) but i can't manage to think positive right now, it doesn't seem like anything is going my way lately.
Comments
I hope things go well at your cousins b-day party...
needhope
It's really difficult when someone that close to you is expecting while your still grieveing. Two of our firends got pregnant the same time I did. They are both only weeks away from they're due dates now. I've been avoiding them for the past four months. It takes a long time to heal. I'm sure no one thinks you're being selfish. I bet noone's asking you anything because they dont know what to say. Unless they've been through this kind of loss themselves, it's hard for others to understand what your going through. You're just in the begining of your grieveing, allow yourself time. Be strong. I'm here for you.
Mantanona
This just has to be so hard for you, and I hope that things go well when you see Tessa. I know that I can't stand to hear about pregnant women and there due dates, because I get really depressed. So I can only imagine how hard it will be to see her. If you need to talk I am always here for you. All my love, Jess
Jessa21