stargazer673's Journal

I was reading this blog (http://dumpedbyahallucination.wordpress.com/) and it brought up a few things.

In one blog she mentions a feeling of being unreal...."what I see out car windows seems like it’s just painted on canvas, and if I touch it it’ll give way under my hand and I’ll see the real world."...I thought that was kinda funny.  I've always thought this.  I can remember being young and trying to figure out how cars worked....the only thing I could come up with was that they were on a treadmill like thing and that the background was being pullled by us.  I often think this still...even though I now know how a car works.  I just can't get that childhood idea out of my mind.  And sometimes I will be standing on the porch of my apartment and I'll be looking out watching the cars go by and the wind in the trees and think "how can this be real?"  I can really relate with the "truman show"...I often think that people in my life are just actors getting paid to be my relatives and friends and even husband...or that there is only one other person are besides me and that one person plays all the different people of the world....or that other people are really robots programed to interact (or not) with me.

Another thing she talkes about is her "soft toys" coming to life.  When I was younger I was convienced that this one doll my great grandmother gave me was evil.  It was one of those life size dolls...I'm sure you know the kind I'm talking about.  Well one night I saw it get up and go to the kitchen and get out a knife and kill a mouse.  I remember this happening very very well.  Now it could have been a dream but it's been many many years since it happened and I am convinced that it really happened.  After that happened I was so scared of the doll that I took her apart and threw her away.  I took her apart because that way she coudln't come back to me...and threw her away because I didn't feel safe with her around..what if she did manage to get back together?!

When I was living in the dorms at college (I lived in the dorms for 3 semesters before I finally got married and quit college) I had several stuffed toys...I kept them with me because I loved them.  One was a Popple...do you remember Popples? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzzHB-cQVO8) another was Rainbow Brights horse "Sunriser"...I think that was the name of the horse...and the other was from a show (I can't remember it's name) that had a bunch of charicters that were half one thing and half another.  Like the one I had was half monkey and half butterfly or bee...I can't remember...maybe you you will remember.   Well I had them on top of my closet for most of my time in the dorms but one night I was watching tv and I suddenly got this feeling of being watched....it was coming from the stuffed toys.  I took them down and stuffed them in a box and put that in my closet and the feeling went away.  Since then I wasn't able to have them out of the box at all...I felt that they were watching and wait...they were out to get me..to kill me.  Last year I gave them to my neices...I dont' know how they are now...and I don't really care...  Since then I can't have stuffed animals/toys out at all.  I feel like they are evil and will try to kill me.

I'm crazy.