Silence
Silence- Not just the absence of sound; …
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My beloved husband of 33 years died on June 3, unexpectedly. I am so overcome that I cant function. I blame myself because he was being treated for one thing and died of another. I feel like I should have known and picked up the signs but I didnt. My life is blackness. I feel like I am living in a black hole, with blackness all arouind. Days mean nothing, days mean nothing, nothing means nothing. I love and miss my husbnad
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You are not alone. And do not blame yourself. There are so many wonderful, helpful people here at DS. Keep writing.
bonannas
Oh I am so sorry a week that is hard to take. If it helps I went through the if onlys most of us do. If only I had not let him ride his motorcycle that day. If onlys are part of this whole grieving thing, which I hate as most of us do. That first week all was blackness for me too. I put myself and my kids through so much. I wanted to die so badly just to be with him. Sweetie there will be the time when you realize that in no way could it be your fault. I have felt anger at myself and anger at him for leaving me anger at everyone else who still have their loved one. Then after anger... devastation and sadness it will all come just not in any order and none of it is your fault. You are grieving for a future you have lost and want to get it back we all do. I still cry everyday. I know he is at peace and I cry for my sadness, loneliness and my lack of knowing what to do now. It is so fresh for you now i will tell you what some people on this site told me when I first came here. Your job right now is to grieve. Its a hard and tiring job. Take it one day at a time or one minute at a time. Do everything your way alone or with someone to be with you! Just cry any time and all time if you feel like it. You need to eat and sleep if you can add anything else thats wonderful. I am still in deep pain mostly at night when I am alone. Days I have began to function and I say that meaning I get up and do what I have to do everyday.... some days I even have a good day sometimes for days in a row. I am just telling you how my grief is going everyone grieves slightly different but with the same sadness of loss! This site is wonderful support but I get a small amount of counseling also.I hope you find peace.
TiKibell
thank you, yes that sounds exactly like what I am going through right now. Bill my husband and I were joined at the hip as they say and I have never felt so lost.
norab