“It's not only children who …
“It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their …
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I've been feeling so like a failure recently; this new job has a really steep learning curve, and its taking time to grasp it all; the boss can be kind of a jerk- and although Im a pretty tough chick, it's become apparent that the older I get, and the closer to God I am, the more my hard shell falls away and I am more vulnerable than ever before....... so I've been wrestling a lot with the fact that I am lame at work, not necessarily making so many mistakes, but just not grasping the whole of the job yet, which will take time, I know. And I've been struggling with the fact that my oldest daughter, who is the reason I am here on DS, is graduated now, and moving away, with so many unresolved issues between us, including what actually happened to her, and also, the tension between us. It hurts me that she is going away, moving on in her life without the resolution I so desperately want; the healing of our relationship, the closeness between mother and daughter that I crave. And then there are my other relationships, with my younger daughter, and with my husband.........and so much of the time, I am pissing them off with something I say or whatever, and then feeling bad about not honoring the relationship appropriately........so I've been feeling like a failure, kind of across the board, regarding my job, and the job I've done raising my kids; mostly because it oftens seems like they don't even like me......and thats hard to stomach, after investing so much heart and soul in them. But tonight, I've been thinking about the fact that maybe the measure of a mom is not in whether the kid likes you right now, or not. Maybe the measure of a mom is in whether the kid has the capacity to stand on her own two feet. Has the confidence to move out into the world. Has the motivation and inspiration to be independent. Maybe the relationship I so desperately desire is yet to come, after this transitionary period of separation. It's so hard, this mom thing. But I am proud of my kids, and I will weather this teenage/adult/separation season. I have not failed this job of parenting; I just have yet to see the full maturity of the fruit of these labors. So,like I have so often told my friends here, I will stay the course. I feel better today. My girls are my legacy, and I have much to be proud of and inspired by. So I will hold onto this perspective, and allow it to help me to honor them, by being the best person/parent/friend that I can be.
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Jeanie, you really do have the right attitude. I know it is painful. Your eldest daughter is taking the next step in her life as you have taught her. She will continue her education and continue to gain independence. These things you have prepared her to do. They both love you. The two of them are transitioning at the moment. And, oh, dear.....here comes the menopause! God should have planned that one a little better. That should be happening much later in life not while all of the other things are happening! We hope, we pray, we get through it! WE ARE HERE FOR YOU AT ALL TIMES!!! Love you!
moblueeyes
i know its hard, especially with her moving away, just make sure you remind her youll always be there if she needs you, that all she needs to do is call and youll listen, it may take her a long time to tell you, its embaressing and humiliating and very hard to tell anyone, and she may not ever tell you, maybe all shell be able to do is see a therapist. just let her know your there though and that you love her. you are a terrific mom. its a terrific perspective to have, and keep it up hun, im always here to talk if you need anyone, i dont have any kids, as im only 16, but i can always give you thoughts from a teenagers perspective, that may help you. much love and hugs to you
believr
i know how hard it is from the other side of the table being in your daughter's position. but i like your newfound perspective. i think that's a great way to look at things. take care. love and hugs, meg
MEGNEEDSABABY
You're right, you're DEFINITELY not a failure. I think you're an amazing mother and even if your relationship is far from perfect, she's lucky to have you
Person913
OH God Jeanie .Will it ever end.This constant bombardment on our abilities and our hearts.I hate it .the constant put downs and disappointments.The head games .I am so sick of it .Its taken one of Gods miracles and made it a stomping ground .
flybynight