alexandra79's Journal

fat, boring, ugly, failure... gggrrr! have failed uni for the semester, just went on possibly the worse date ever, am 57kg and obviously the most boring person on the planet. FFFAAAAARRRKKK!

so.... the worse date ever..... met this guy courtney a fortnight ago at my cousin's birthday party. had a great night - were totally inseperable all night. he dropped my home... big goodnight pash.... texting me for the rest of the weekend.... all good... i email him on monday....he emails back... then i email him... then nothing... for two weeks... so my cousin says "he said he really liked you" i then think "so when have i ever been the kind of chick to sit back and wait for some guy to call me... i'll call him" so we agree to go out tonight. i in the meantime buy a totally beautiful new dress, necklace & bag.... look totally hot. so he picks me up... we're driving off to a gallery opening in the city... i'm like "so what are you doing for new year's eve" he's like "well i'm hanging out with kim... kim and i have been fuck buddies all year and we decided this week we are going to start to get a bit serious".......... i'm like "so what are you doing out with me tonight"... "well maybe i should have told you earlier.... but i thought i'd not make it into a big thing.... so we'll just hang out as mates and have a good time... and if you want to leave the gallery early then that's cool"........... FFFFFFFAARRRRkkkking hell!

yes you should have told me you IDIOT!!! up the bloody garden path i am.... meanwhile he's walking out the front gate. and... i thought he was really nice!!! boooo hooo.

so clearly i am a big bloody idiot! just feel so stupid. totally not my fault... i'm actually kind of laughing about it & am listening to some aretha franklin "respect" to get me to see the funny side. well at least i have a great new frock, bag, necklace etc.... :-(

ben the previous idiot is still overseas... we are speaking occassionally on msn.... but it's pretty one sided his way - i am extremely cynical. and... thanks for all of your awesome supportive comments on my journal :-)

but on the up side.... FINALLY the australian public have voted out the conservative government that has been in power since 1996. it's a HUGE thing for me (which is why i haven't been on this site for a while... too caught up in the election campaign) as i work in politics for an NGO. it's like a weight has lifted from the shoulders of the australian public. everyone is SO SO SO happy and carefree at the moment... i haven't had a migraine in 3 weeks. it's wonderful. the new prime minister has signed the Kyoto protocol (it was just us & the US who were holding out in terms of the developed world), closed down some refugee detention centres, abolishing individual workplace contracts, starting the reconciliation process with indigenous australians - so amazing. so i am pretty happy... although i have got a broken toe sustained in the drunken days of celebrating.

have filled my script for anti depressants. am going to start taking them after i finish up work for the year next week. see if it takes the edge off things and allows me to cope with uni better. i can always stop taking them if they aren't helping after a few months.

well... hope you are all well & sorry for once again being such a hopeless friend. thanks for your messages & hugs xxx