femmenoire's Journal

I am absolutely furious right now. I had an arguement with my mother a few hours ago. regarding my grandmother. My grandmother dips snuff (a very disgusting habit). She spills most of it because her sight is so bad and so I am frequently having to run to the nursing home to replace it. I hate the smell of it. Even in the box, it stinks. My mother called me Friday to ask me if the box of snuff she ordered had arrived. I told it had. She then proceeds to tell me to take 4 canisters to my grandmother the next time I go to the nursing home. Then my mother demands to know when I am going to the nursing home next. I just told her I didnt know cause I knew my Saturday was going to be loaded with two dance performances.

 She is ALWAYS asking me that and frankly it irritates me. Mainly because the reason my grandmother is even in a nursing home in the same city I live is because her own children did not want to have to give up their lives to take care of her. It was all to easy and convenient to leave her in the same city with me. My mother said as much - saying that if my grandmother moved to her city, she would have to give up my life.

They tried to dictate my time by telling her I would stop in for an hour every day. At the time she was admitted, I was planning my wedding. I often did not HAVE an hour to spare with planning a wedding.

My grandmother is mean and hateful and says hateful things. No, I dont chalk it up to age...she has ALWAYS been that way - mean, spiteful, and hateful ever since I have known her.

This time last year, she literally cursed out my fiancee ( now my husband)  and she treatened to stab me with a knife. After that verbal altercation, I decided I would only stop in to gather her laundry and drop off toiletries and no longer expose myself to her cruel tongue.

My mother lives 700 miles away and only has to deal with my grandmother by phone. She talks to her all of five minutes. I on the other hand, do her laundry 2-3 times a week; I run and pick up all her toiletries, replace clothes that need replacing, etc. etc.

I have already had to do this once when my father had a stroke and I did it for five years and it wore on me., mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I am back to the same state. I am resenting them for using me the way they have...this is THEIR mother...I have already taken care of a parent.

Every time my mother calls, it is like I am supposed drop what I am doing and run over to the nursing home to take care of what she wants taken care of. It varies from small things like....go and find her comb to take her more snuff. It is like my grandmother is always trying to find little things for me to do and it is making me crazy.  I get tired of her calling me to remind me about something she has just told me the day before. I blew up today when she called. I had a very full day and I told her I already knew what I was supposed to do. She stated that my grandmother called her wanting to know where her snuff was .

I got very angry and told her my day began at 9:00 with my first dance rehearsal and then my first peformance at 12. I had only a three hour break. In that time I had to rewash a garment and try and rest for tonight's ballet. I had a 4:00 call time. I didnt even have time to eat. I resented having to explain my whereabouts. I am over 40 for god's sake! The snuff was not life or death.

When it isnt my own dance schedule, I still have a husband and an 11 step son to take care of. I am still a newlywed but my mother does not seem to even care about that.

I am ready to tell my mother to come and get her own mother and take care of her herself. I have had enough!