chrisjames's Journal

i wrote this in1999 but its still with me.                                           where to begin and what to do inside my head i am so confusid, i try and try to start each day new hopeing that this day i wont be confused, in side my head what can i do i try to be brave but i can not bet you, when i was young i was taken away and no family with me could i see, but confusion was there and it stayed with me, the years went by and i was home again,my family i thought they were my friends but confusion was there instead of them,the people id met did not help me they helped confusion hang on to me,again the years went by and a girl came to me,i loved her and i know she loved me,two children we had so precious to me and together we drove confusion from me,for years i lived so happily i had all my dreams in front of me,then one day confusion id see and so many drugs it gave to me,it had come back to take from me my life my love my family, and it hurt them so much as will as me,then one day in my family id see tears of confusion put there by me and ther tears were like spears that were killing me,now i touch them no mre nor do i see,but at leist confusion ive taken with me,then i thought i knew how to be free but my life it would cost me,each time i tried it wasnt to be and confusion was there laughing at me,now each new day as i open my eyes confusion is here right by my side,and late at night when i start to weap confusion is there and it wont let me sleep, and when i do sleep what do i see i see all the things confusion has taken from me, but the love in my heart for family wont stray and even confusion cant take this away, and i know when i die and they bury me theyll byry confusion right next to me.