lari's Journal

Yesterday, in addition to being "national coming out day" was my bday :o)

It always strikes me as ironic that my bday is on coming out day, since I'm pretty much not very "out." On the "outness continuum" I might be at 25% if you weight people close to me more heavily than those not close to me. It just doesnt seem to matter too much whether I'm out about my bisexuality or not, since I'm married and my hubby and I agree on wanting monogamy as part of our marriage.

Or does it?

Actually--I think maybe it does matter. I think I worry more about what people would think about me given that I am married. I told one close friend and she said: "Sooo....are you going to find a girlfirend in addition to your hubby?" I wasnt offended, b/c I think probably that is a question a lot of people might ask--only most people wont be close enough to me to ask me outright and give me a chance to answer. Instead, they might make their own presumptions. I think sometimes that by not being more "out", I do a disservice to myself and the GLBT community b/c people might use fewer GLBT stereotypes if they knew more people who were GLBT....and I don't actually fit many of the stereotypes. I dont even play softball ;o)  (tho I do like Home Depot :oD ).

Recently, I've had more opportunities to be involved in GLBT things than I have previously. The committee for GLBT concerns at my university now meets when i can attend, so i try to go to that. I submitted and art piece to the GLBT art show for history month. I went to the banquet kicking off GLBT history month. Tonight my hubby and I will go to a dinner and discussion held by a local pastor that is about spirituality and being GLBT. Also, a reading group just formed in my dept to try to become more educated about GLBT stuff, and I joined that. Oh, and by some miracle, I found a counselor I can go see who is, like me, Bi and married to a man. I'm sort of amazed that all these things are happening at once--and am glad that I told my parents a year or two ago, so I dont need to explain now why I'm involving myself in these groups. All of the groups are open to both GLBTs and straight people, so even involving myself in them may not totally "give me away"...but... it does seem like progress toward being more "out" and less ...(ashamed-acting??)...of my orientation.

A totally separate aside:

Yesterday my 8yr old and I laughed our guts out as he wanted to be held like I used to hold him when he was a baby -- he is still light enough to pick up and cradle (tho he wont be for much longer!) so i did that while tickling him. He and I need more of that. He's at a phase in his life when I'm very difficult for him, b/c i'm impatient with his many boy noises/activities (one of his favorites is to drive his sister insane) and his lack of concentration etc...It was happy for he and I to have some more intense positive emotion between us...I need to find ways of doing more of that with him instead of just the nagging I do to try to get him to do his chores, homework, and to try to get him to stop torturing his sister.