lonelyandsad's Journal

Well I had a weird couple of days. I found out on Sunday night that he was still talking to his mistress. I told him that I had had enough and he lost me for good. He tried calling me so I unplugged my house phone and turned off my cell. He sent me an email blaming me for why he can't be honest with me and gave me some more details that I didn't know. He said he finally came clean about everything but I think that's laughable. He showed up at the house the next morning, crying and apologized for everything. I then fell for his crap and began to show him affection and kiss him only to regret it later. He said he wanted to come back and do anything to make it work but today it seems to be a different story. When he thinks he's finally lost me for good then he gets all sentimental, but when he sees he has his hooks set in me he backs away again. I just want to find someone that will absolutely love me for everything I am and will not persecute me for all my flaws. I most want honesty and trust in a relationship and to know that there is nothing so big that we can't tell each other and work through it. He says he thinks we are moving in the right direction, but acts as if he is a single guy still enjoying the benefits of being married. I am sorry I haven't sent hugs out-I just feel empty and ready for this painful chapter in my life to finally be over. I do keep you all in my thoughts and I pray that you will all find peace and happiness.