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Well, I don't normally do this, but I'm not sure where else to go right now because I am suddenly very lonely - actually, I suppose it is not sudden, it has been coming on for a few weeks. I do go through these lonely periods usually a few times a year, but this time it feels more permanent somehow, and that scares me.
In my journals, I really try to stay upbeat, but right now I just need to talk, I suppose. The problem is, I am really used to being a lot more social - I used to have events almost every night during the week, volunteer work, friends and activities all weekend - usually jam-packed. The problem was, that got to be really exhausting, so I started weeding things out and learned to say no more, so I could have time for myself. I stopped doing some of the volunteer work, and truthfully, I turned down a lot of invitations to go places because I was just tired of always being on the go. As it was, the summer was really busy with our skating and bike rides. The bike rides were usually just my hubby and I, but the skating we had partners, and that was fun. As I increased my exercise, and decreased social activities, it seems like social activities slowly went away. A couple friends got married, one had her 4th baby, another set of good friends is having financial trouble and they are stressed and don't feel like doing anything, one of my very best friends is moving to NY, and life just seemed to start taking people different directions, plus I also had to make a choice not to keep contact with a couple friends, because they weren't really true friends so that was hard. Now summer is over, the exercise is also lessened because it gets dark early, and no one is around.
To exacerbate the issue, neither my hubby or I is close to our family either physically or emotionally, and at work, though I get along with everyone, there's no real friendship potential there - not a single person I would hang out with outside of work.
Now, this is not to say my social life is completely barren - I do have girl's nights over here, the occassional dinner out with friends, some volunteer work here and there, but it really is nothing compared to what it used to be. We have a weekend coming up where we have no plans at all except maybe to meet up with our skating partners, and it is unusual and it bothers me. It seems long, lonely, and boring. This is not to imply my hubby is not enough, it's really a seperate issue and I believe every healthy relationship requires outside friends and interests.
Conversely, I finally have time to do the things I envisioned, I love to read, I love to make jewelry (in fact am starting my own business doing it, on the side of course because I don't expect it to be completely profitable) but I feel horrible! I guess it is just an adjustment? Often these things will pass and it will get busy again, but I just have this funny feeling that things are different this time. I could do more social things to meet people, but honestly i just do not make friends very easily, it's so hard to meet people and even then to get to a point where you'd want to spend time with them and open up to them. I'm not really shy, but I am very particular, very friendly, even outgoing (my position at work requires energy and enthusiasm and dealing with a lot of people) but not the best at small talk on a personal level - I am great when I am around others who draw me out more, and that is rare!
Anyway, so now I am depressed, and just wanted to write out my thoughts. Probably I will come back on here and be more depressed if there are no responses, but it is what it is....I guess I need to learn to be on my own more....anyone else out there lonely?
Comments
I am really glad you opened up. I hope that it will help you. Please always know that you have me as a friend. I hope you will start to feel better. Hugs and I think a lot of people like you a lot.
fragileteacup
Boy, girl, you would NOT want to trade with me. hee hee!! You have a lot going on compared to me. I'm in a new town looking for a new therapist. I just started a new Bible study on Tues. night, and was thinking about going to this function Friday, but it's in a town that's about 45 mins away!! Also, there's a really neat Ghost vigil (Halloween) at an old local cemetery that I wanted to go to Saturday night, but because of some things that have been happening to me, I have had someone in the church tell my my interest in ghosts may NOT be a good thing!!!!! SO, anyway, I understand your loneliness!! It's never fun. You might try something that has worked for me in the past. I have found if you can connect with yourself on a deeper level like meditating to christian music (using the music to really connect with God) or something creative and fun that it makes this loneliness go away!! I actually found that the person I was most lonely for was ME!! I was hiding in too much activity and staying too busy was keeping me from dealing with me and my feelings about things I did NOT want to think about...
Hope this helps. Hugs, girl!!
twinkle39
I think you're doing the best you can to balance things in your life. Too much of anything can be problematic, even socializing. I've found that as I've gotten older I tend to go out less, and I know what you mean about people you work with/around. I tend to think of them really just as co-workers with a few special exceptions as I've had some problems in the past when work/social activities overlap too much.
I hope this is of some help because you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better. You're always welcome to vent to me, you've put up with plenty of my craziness. xo
JhJhJh
Sending a hug your way. Sometimes, I think it is the change of seasons. I seem to feel that way too this time of year. The days are shorter, there is less sunlight. Make sure you are getting at least 15 min of sun every day...that will help and take vitamin D.
Balance is the key. Don't do too much, but don't do too little. It is also difficult sometimes to be quiet with one's self..to just BE. Sometimes we make a habit of running from ourselves.
It's a quieter time of year...the body is getting ready for winter.
Try to be in the moment and mindful of the things you are doing. Don't do them on auto pilot and try to find joy in these little things.
Hoping for a better tomorrow..
Hugs,
goodE2shu
barbarads
you and I would hang out if we lived closer...and I agree about the work thing...I dont see any of them...outside of work...they are great people....but I leave work...at work...hope you feel better Sweeite !..(( HUGS ))
Goof