Jkmoree's Journal

Again, sorry I haven't been around very much. Not a great deal to report. Am doing about the same. I am not any worse with the panic attacks, but I haven't really tested myself much of late.

On the relationship side there is nothing to report, as is already known I quit the online dating finding it to be too soul-destroying by half and not suitable for me in the slightest. However, with that option off the table, am still quite single.  I never thought when Paul and I broke up that it would take this long for my heart to mend. Sometimes I am quite well and I think "I am completely over him!" And then I have days like today where I am so lonely that it feels difficult to breathe. I don't know that it is that I am lonely for him though, but just lonely in general. And so you do that most horrible of all things, you reflect on the past and think ' at least back then there was the chance of a relationship'. There was someone to talk to regularly who seemingly 'got' you and who claimed that they loved and cared about you.

Sometimes I think that there is so much more pain associated with relationships than I can bear and perhaps I am well out of it. And yet...my heart says otherwise.