adesertbunny's Journal

I am a 72 year old widow. I met my husband on a blind date and we both fell in love and were married almost 50 years. We were always self employed and so rode to work, worked and played together.

Bob had a bad heart and I talked him into retirement in 1999, with in 6 months he was diagnosed with colon cancer. One tumor and single cell cancer in several lymph nods. He did the chemo and we thought we were home free. We went on with our lives and in 2003 a tumor turned up in his liver, Stage lV colon cancer had hit us between the eyes. He was put on chemo, no surgery this time. The living hell you go through with chemo, especially with an elderly person with diabetes and a bad heart took it toll. In the end he had gone from 220 lbs to 150 lbs, the trips to the ER and the stays in the hospital came closer and closer. Last year at Thanksgiving he had E-coli and survived, his doctor was amazed. In mid Jan. he had another infection and was hospitalized. When he started turning yellow I knew his liver was failing and then came the kidneys. I slept in his room and helped to care for him knowing this was the end and was with him when he died at 6 AM.

I think the first couple of months were not so hard, I was probable just numb, but now the pain is awful and the tears just flow. I went to work 3 weeks ago, 3 days a week to keep busy and that has helped. I actually work in the dinner we owned and sold in 99 as cashier . I enjoy seeing the old faces and naturally the help that was there when we owned it. Was a little unsure at first but wanted a job with the public and not in an office. I wanted interaction with people to help fill in the loneliness I am feeling.