amberslucky11's Journal

Abram is now 3 months old and doing great. I swear he gets cuter & cuter every day. He's laughing and babbling constantly, doing push ups during tummy time, and sitting up with assistance. I'm pretty sure he will be able to sit up on his own within a couple of weeks. He can actually sit up from a laying down position but can't stay up, he just tips over. Yesterday I had him laying down and I ran into his room to grab him a new onesie and when I came back he had rolled over. I don't know how he did it but I think it was a fluke because he hasn't done it again. I love him so much. I have truly found the love of my life!!! Watching him grow up so quickly makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. I just want to remember every moment!!!

I'm moving to another town on Tuesday. Right now Richard has a job that pays $10.00 an hour and he is transferring to another branch and his pay will be $15.30. Quite a big pay increase. At our apartment now we are paying $763 a month and at our new place the rent is only $625 so we will have a bit more money now. Thank goodness!!! That means I can stay home with Abram for a bit longer. I'm bummed because I love this apartment so much and because I will be leaving my family but I'm also excited for change.

Something else  that has been on my mind a lot lately is my biological father. I haven't seen or talked to him in 9 years. His sister was looking for him and when she called information she got my number. We had a short talk and I told her that if she did get in touch with him to tell him that I recently had a son. She called back a couple of days later and told me that he loved and missed me and that he was happy to be a grandpa. She gave me his email address because he wanted to get in touch with me. We actually live in the same town but I don't know if he was aware of that or not. I moved here 6 years ago and knew that he lived here but didn't ever try to contact him. He was always a dead beat dad and I didn't really see the point. I don't know what to say, do, or even think right now. I don't know if I want to talk to him or not. He is a stranger to me. I lived with him until I was two but then my parents separated and the only relationship I had with him was on the phone and that wasn't consistent. When I was 13 I came here and had a visit with him and that is the last time I saw or talked to him. What should expect? Does he want to be my father now after all of these years? Or does he just want some sort of relationship with me? Will he disappear again? If I don't talk to him will I always regret it? I'm lost and I have no clue how to handle this. His sister called back yesterday and Richard gave her my email address because my dad wanted it. I guess because I hadn't emailed him yet. I haven't received an email from him though. I wonder when and if I will hear from him. Like I said I'm moving pretty soon and I won't have the same phone number anymore so his sister won't be able to be that middle man anymore. I don't know. What do you all think?

In other news.....I'm scared that I might be pregnant again. Abram is only 13 weeks so that is pretty scary for me. I have been using birth control but I use the diaphragm and I'm afraid that it didn't work. I had one period 6 weeks after Abram was born and nothing since. I did have some spotting that I think would match up to implantation bleeding. I have been having cramping and the only other time I have had cramping without a period is when I was pregnant. I've been having dreams that I keep having positive pregnancy test. I'm afraid to actually take one because I feel like I know it will be positive and I would just rather put off actually knowing. I am breastfeeding though so I'm hoping that is why I haven't had a period. I suppose it could also be due to stress. I guess I'm just going to have to go get a test and see how everything works out. Whatever happens I know that it is God's plan and I will just have to go with it.