Not quite sure whats going on anymore - started hurting myself, started off just scratching myself and digging my nails in and then i used a stone and now iv been cutting myself with my razor, not much and just little cuts but this has just happened in one day how far can it go? Its such a release to feel some other pain and to see the pain. Its real. i feel so screwed up i'm not the person who i thought i was - the old claire wouldnt have done anything like this, i dont recognise myself anymore and I hate what i have become i jyst don't know how to change it. i want to end it all. I hate disappointing my close friends around me and my family well I dont think i even exist with them. I want the world to stop so I can sort myself out with no time limits and no added stresses like money and family but the world keeps on turning and im still stuck in this fucking huge rut and i cant seem to get out. i suppose its either get myself out or else there is no point carrying on but how the hell do i do that? I am trying, more than most people probably know i just cant do it.