Godholdsme's Journal

Haven't written in awhile. So much to say not enough energy to say it. Doc put me on Lithium now it's been a week. All week I felt like a have had no motivation to do anything. Now tonite I feel manic and it's making me crazy. I feel terrible and just want to cry. I am so tired of feeling like this, this up and down all the time. Is it this weather it being so warm. I noticed alot of people are down on this site and feeling badly. I hope this all passes soon. Worried about work tommorrow and how I will feel. My doctor put me on a medical leave for two weeks due to the side effects of the abilify. It was so bad I almost feel asleep driving home from work at night. Last week I worked part time, four hours a day for the week. Now tommorrow I go back full time again, not looking forward to it. I am so tired of the worry about how I might feel at work, it is exhausting.

Abilify sucks!!! I got off of it without telling my doctor. I have been having a sedative effect from it really bad and now he tells me that this feeling can last up to 18 days because it has a slow action. I knew I didn't want to go on this to begin with. I should have just said no. I had a feeling it would make me feel crapy. Another thing is it was making me eat like crazy and I gained 5 pounds. Since I went off I don't even feel half that hungry and my dr says oh really that's unusuall. Well I am unusuall I am not your tipical bipolar and everyone is different. Man I like him as a dr but sometimes he just pisses me off. He wrote me an exuse for a leave of abscence from work. I'm not going to use it it's already Friday so what does it matter one more day of work. I have dragged my ass eveyday last week and this week feeling like I am under water and drowning and managed to not make a mistake. Well not yet anyway. But the days have been long and sucky. I have that wedding tommorrow just might atttend the ceremony only and come home. talk to myself more later..

Up early today. Got up and kind of dragged my husband to my son's room. lol It's ok my son was in our bed. Ha Ha got you didn't I. My son starts his first day of 1st grade today and my middle daughter starts her first day as a Senior.  Maybe that's why I feel so sad. I can't believe it has gone so fast again. These kids grow so fast. My son was born premature and now he is so tall and smart or shall I say a smart ass. lol Wondering what I will do today since I am off. I took off so I can be home when they get home from school and share their day. Hoping he dosen't give us a hard time this morning since getting him to bed last night early was not easy. He still managed to stay up until about 11pm and his bus picks him up at about 8:30am. He is going to be so tired since he still likes to sleep about 9 hours. Well will be talking to my journal later today since I will be having free time. Later