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Ya know , i thort..
"right, cool no1 is home , il get online n write to my blog and every1 else who reads it ^-^"
but i get on here, check my msgs and voila look who waltz's thru the door! my MUM!..
God give me strength to deal with her atm!!!
talk about stress.. shes decided that she and her partner should move into together.. not only are we all movin into ONE house (2 adults, 5 kids) but they want to BUY! urm hello? anyone out there! what happens if they decide to split up? does no1 think outside the box!?
ive been meaning to come on here for ages and just plain vent , i cant do it on bebo or myspaz coz ya know.. i just need to vent online to people who don't know me! that will help me in anyway they can and be totally honest about it too!
so this is your key.
blue = God.
pink = Love.
green = friendship.
red = Stuff that angers me.
purple= confusion and extra vents.
So.. God?, I was sitting, rather standing, in church today, during worship and i was thinking "Man this hard, I shouldnt be singing praise to this Almighty Man when I'm not even sure if He's real!" so i kinda stood there, watching my youth pastor, my youth leaders, Brent (one of the dads of the bigger families) and i thought again "Kc, If He's not real.. then why would all these people be here, praising him, this just doesnt happen for no reason." and i was reading the words to the song and i just felt this surge go thru me like.. i dunno , excitedness, fear, not really sure, but ya know.. its moments like that when i go "Nah, there IS a God and He works wonders!" and i believe again , but im going thru stages atm where im sure there is a God and then at other times im denying it "why would this happen if there was a God?" kinda thing.. but if i sit back and watch i can see all these things happenin in His grace. its just hard.
Love? hahaha don't make me laugh!
Why is it Such a big deal at my age to have someone who cares for me? who loves me? who thinks im not just the bees knees.. but the whole effing bee!? who thinks there isnt anyone they would rather have in their arms? who would catch me if i fell? who wants to protect me? who thinks im beautiful? who chooses me?
I wa siting with my mums partners lil girl at Maccas yesterday
"Natalie?" i asked "Hows Mustuffa?" (her wee bf from school, shes 5 btw)
"Ah.. hes good"
"thats good, seen him at all these holidays?"
"nah, he doesnt love me anymore!"
"oh love thats a shame, do you love someone else now?"
"no, but this other boy loves me now" she goes "and i dont want him to love me"
"whys that?"
"oh coz *sigh* hes naughty"
"whats his name"
"peter, hes a weird boy Kc, i dont like him"
that was the convo i had with her bout her love life lol
why is it so easy for 5 yr olds to love and be loved!
and why is it so hard for teenagers just to find someone who cares about them as much as they care about us!
so theres this boy, Joel, hes GORJUS! chinese, perfect hair, perfect skin, GREAT BODY! Amazing personality just everything a girl would ever want! and he likes ME! out of all the girls that he could have he chooses to like me! ME!
so he sounds pretty great huh!
well..
lets face it..
HE IS!
and yet.. i don't like him!
no.. w8.. I DO LIKE HIM! HEAR THAT WORLD! I LIKE JOEL LAH!
but if he asked me out.. id prolly say no.
GOD! WHY AM I SO FICKLE!?
and i cant stop flirting with him, coz i liek him, but i wont go out wiht him.. WTF?
*sigh*
I need help!
ANYONE IN THIS SITUATION?
LOL my friends! i tell ya!
totally amzing my m8s!
yep yep!
ya know , tho, im sitting at school, wiht my "best m8s" and were all excited for the holidays (which have just finished) saying stuff like "ohk, yeh, lets all go out for coffee in the hols! alright cool!" its the sunday b4 school starts and my "best m8s" and i havnt caught up! havnt even talked! so much for us being best m8s aye haha but its all good, we talk n stuff at school.
but my mates from church, where would i be wihtout them GORJUS people?
I know for sure that they wern't just randomly placed in to my life!
but my very bestest m8 Malita,
she seems a bit down atm.
not sure why.
no actually i know why
"boys"
*sigh!!!!!!*
but shes the type of girl that always has to be one up from me,
like she HAS to kno more guys
she HAS to have someone like her
she HAS to be better then me!
lets face it..
the guys like her a hell of a lot more then they like me based on looks. not saying im ugly, just saying shes prettier. but I def have A LOT more close guy m8s then she does! and i dont wanna sound horrible and sound like im slaggin off my mates.. but i have a nicer personality then her, i dont need to have someone likin me to make me feel good, i don't care if i get an 'A' on my school exam instead of an 'E' , i dont need to have the limelight on me constantly, i dont yell or throw tantrums at my mum, i dont (usually) lead on guys.
for an example story..
we were at the Smarts house today with a few people from church and some of us went outside to play hackysack and i said "Oh, i wanna play the piano!" so i went up (not actually knowin how to play anthing expect twinkle lil star) and just strated playing around and Jacinta (mals elder sis) came up and said "il play this end and u play tht end" "ohk sweet as "
and then Mal decided that since we were playing she should too and jump on next to me so i was sandwiched in the middle, then i started playin this lil tune a knew and she starts playing it too, but louder and faster then i was and longer (as she knew more) and grrr just pissed me off coz she HAD to be better then me!! its not a big deal but it just goes to show the ways inwhich (even the tiniest things) she has to be better then me in.
thts it, my vent on my m8s..!!
angers me?
not goin to go there
just me, just how i can like him and not want to go out with hiim
how my m8s dont tell me anything coz of how i MIGHT react.
How my mum is being soo moody towards me atm, just towards me, not Kim or Vicky.
other stuff..?
pfffft i am SOOO TIRED atm! its actual crazi!
=[
and sad
like i cant handle this anymore
i just wanna cry
i dont wanna go back to school and pretend like its ok
i dont wanna see the smilin friends and wonder what they have and i dont
i dont wanna see girls upset and wonder "whats gone so wrong in their perfect life thats got THEM upset!?"
i dont wanna be angry anymore
i dont wanna feel this way anymore!!!
thats it from me today.
sorry guys.
xoxox
"right, cool no1 is home , il get online n write to my blog and every1 else who reads it ^-^"
but i get on here, check my msgs and voila look who waltz's thru the door! my MUM!..
God give me strength to deal with her atm!!!
talk about stress.. shes decided that she and her partner should move into together.. not only are we all movin into ONE house (2 adults, 5 kids) but they want to BUY! urm hello? anyone out there! what happens if they decide to split up? does no1 think outside the box!?
ive been meaning to come on here for ages and just plain vent , i cant do it on bebo or myspaz coz ya know.. i just need to vent online to people who don't know me! that will help me in anyway they can and be totally honest about it too!
so this is your key.
blue = God.
pink = Love.
green = friendship.
red = Stuff that angers me.
purple= confusion and extra vents.
So.. God?, I was sitting, rather standing, in church today, during worship and i was thinking "Man this hard, I shouldnt be singing praise to this Almighty Man when I'm not even sure if He's real!" so i kinda stood there, watching my youth pastor, my youth leaders, Brent (one of the dads of the bigger families) and i thought again "Kc, If He's not real.. then why would all these people be here, praising him, this just doesnt happen for no reason." and i was reading the words to the song and i just felt this surge go thru me like.. i dunno , excitedness, fear, not really sure, but ya know.. its moments like that when i go "Nah, there IS a God and He works wonders!" and i believe again , but im going thru stages atm where im sure there is a God and then at other times im denying it "why would this happen if there was a God?" kinda thing.. but if i sit back and watch i can see all these things happenin in His grace. its just hard.
Love? hahaha don't make me laugh!
Why is it Such a big deal at my age to have someone who cares for me? who loves me? who thinks im not just the bees knees.. but the whole effing bee!? who thinks there isnt anyone they would rather have in their arms? who would catch me if i fell? who wants to protect me? who thinks im beautiful? who chooses me?
I wa siting with my mums partners lil girl at Maccas yesterday
"Natalie?" i asked "Hows Mustuffa?" (her wee bf from school, shes 5 btw)
"Ah.. hes good"
"thats good, seen him at all these holidays?"
"nah, he doesnt love me anymore!"
"oh love thats a shame, do you love someone else now?"
"no, but this other boy loves me now" she goes "and i dont want him to love me"
"whys that?"
"oh coz *sigh* hes naughty"
"whats his name"
"peter, hes a weird boy Kc, i dont like him"
that was the convo i had with her bout her love life lol
why is it so easy for 5 yr olds to love and be loved!
and why is it so hard for teenagers just to find someone who cares about them as much as they care about us!
so theres this boy, Joel, hes GORJUS! chinese, perfect hair, perfect skin, GREAT BODY! Amazing personality just everything a girl would ever want! and he likes ME! out of all the girls that he could have he chooses to like me! ME!
so he sounds pretty great huh!
well..
lets face it..
HE IS!
and yet.. i don't like him!
no.. w8.. I DO LIKE HIM! HEAR THAT WORLD! I LIKE JOEL LAH!
but if he asked me out.. id prolly say no.
GOD! WHY AM I SO FICKLE!?
and i cant stop flirting with him, coz i liek him, but i wont go out wiht him.. WTF?
*sigh*
I need help!
ANYONE IN THIS SITUATION?
LOL my friends! i tell ya!
totally amzing my m8s!
yep yep!
ya know , tho, im sitting at school, wiht my "best m8s" and were all excited for the holidays (which have just finished) saying stuff like "ohk, yeh, lets all go out for coffee in the hols! alright cool!" its the sunday b4 school starts and my "best m8s" and i havnt caught up! havnt even talked! so much for us being best m8s aye haha but its all good, we talk n stuff at school.
but my mates from church, where would i be wihtout them GORJUS people?
I know for sure that they wern't just randomly placed in to my life!
but my very bestest m8 Malita,
she seems a bit down atm.
not sure why.
no actually i know why
"boys"
*sigh!!!!!!*
but shes the type of girl that always has to be one up from me,
like she HAS to kno more guys
she HAS to have someone like her
she HAS to be better then me!
lets face it..
the guys like her a hell of a lot more then they like me based on looks. not saying im ugly, just saying shes prettier. but I def have A LOT more close guy m8s then she does! and i dont wanna sound horrible and sound like im slaggin off my mates.. but i have a nicer personality then her, i dont need to have someone likin me to make me feel good, i don't care if i get an 'A' on my school exam instead of an 'E' , i dont need to have the limelight on me constantly, i dont yell or throw tantrums at my mum, i dont (usually) lead on guys.
for an example story..
we were at the Smarts house today with a few people from church and some of us went outside to play hackysack and i said "Oh, i wanna play the piano!" so i went up (not actually knowin how to play anthing expect twinkle lil star) and just strated playing around and Jacinta (mals elder sis) came up and said "il play this end and u play tht end" "ohk sweet as "
and then Mal decided that since we were playing she should too and jump on next to me so i was sandwiched in the middle, then i started playin this lil tune a knew and she starts playing it too, but louder and faster then i was and longer (as she knew more) and grrr just pissed me off coz she HAD to be better then me!! its not a big deal but it just goes to show the ways inwhich (even the tiniest things) she has to be better then me in.
thts it, my vent on my m8s..!!
angers me?
not goin to go there
just me, just how i can like him and not want to go out with hiim
how my m8s dont tell me anything coz of how i MIGHT react.
How my mum is being soo moody towards me atm, just towards me, not Kim or Vicky.
other stuff..?
pfffft i am SOOO TIRED atm! its actual crazi!
=[
and sad
like i cant handle this anymore
i just wanna cry
i dont wanna go back to school and pretend like its ok
i dont wanna see the smilin friends and wonder what they have and i dont
i dont wanna see girls upset and wonder "whats gone so wrong in their perfect life thats got THEM upset!?"
i dont wanna be angry anymore
i dont wanna feel this way anymore!!!
thats it from me today.
sorry guys.
xoxox
