It was a good day until....
To day started out to be a wonderful day; I didn't have to work today so my 15-year-old and I were …
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If i huhng you out and put ur soul on a shelf, would it be you or would it be someone else?
- fave song , plastic shadow by Blindspott.
so where was i?
Andrew..
hmmm, the boy that i adore, he is gorjus, both in personality and in looks ( to me at least anyway)
heres our history..
boy meets girl, girl likes boy, girl asks boy out, boy says "yes", boy and girl go out.. girl breaks up with boy, boy and girl are still friends.. boy and girl talk, boy likes girl, again, boy asks girl out, girl says "yes", boy and girl go out, again, girl breaks up with boy, again.. girl and boy are still friends.. boy asks girl out, girl says "yes", again, boy breaks up with girl.. and they are still friends, girl has never stopped liking boy in the 4 years they have known eachother, girl and boy are best friends, girl wonders how boy feels about her...
so thts Andrew and i in a nut shell..!! and yeh.. im in love with the one guy i know it wont work out with..wel.. actually it could, is it a good thing to be able to picture urself married and old with someone at such a young age?!?
He.. * sigh * he makes me so happy, i can not imagine my life without him in it now, we talk almost every single day and it has been that way for comin up 4 years, i have a dependancy on him being there, the hardest part of the last year has been the week or so coming up to our last break up, we didnt speak at all.. it broke my heart in more ways then one and i have never felt such pain in my life as when i was not in contact with him.
I dont know what id do without him, he is just.. i dunno, he just is!
He is my go-to guy, i talk to him about almost everything i feel comfortable sharing, hes been there for me when ive been at my worst and been there while ive been at my best, he knows me almost inside and out, if he ever left, my world would stop until i found some way of coping without him. He will always be in my heart coz i have never felt for anyone else the way i do for him and i haven't the slightest clue to how he feels about me, i dunno if that is a good thing or a bad thing...
When i am around him, the rest of the world doesnt matter, its only ever him and I, Casey and Andrew.. im never without a smile when hes by my side..
He is one of my oldest, closest friends and i am constantly talking about him, theres just not stopping me! i wouldnt ever want to stop talking bout him.
he gets jealous and protective over me, i love the attention he gives me, his smile, his glasses, his tantrums, his grumpiness and his mood swings, i love the way he talks to me, his laugh, his protectivness, his dependancy and independancy, i love the way he stil gives me butterflies and how he wants to hug me.
I hate the way it is when im not talking to him, i hate the way that he never hugs me, i hate the urges i have just to kiss him when hes not there, i hate that he isnt, always there, i hate the way he doesnt like me, i hate the way i cant be with him, most of all, i hate the way i love him.
ugh, sorry...
and then theres Sam.. He is in Germany for a year and when i last saw him he held me for a bit, a hug that says "i love you and that will never change, i dont ever want to loose you", it has been one of the best moments of my life, being in the protective arms that were made especially for me, in the arms of someone i love..
God, theres Andrew and Sam.. two very different guys, with one thing in common, ME!
Sam and i had a thing back 3 yrs ago, we never did go out, but we were pretty much a couple, and then he got a girlfriend.. my heart shattered and i hated him for a long time, but everytime we talked after then all my feelings for him came back, ones that are hard to ignore, i think i love him, i think we could work. I cant describe the way i felt when he held me in his arms, the way he held my hand and the way he kissed my head when i wasnt looking. i love the way he cares for me, the way he calls me hun and the way that i cant resist him..
IS THIS NORMAL!?!?!
someone help...
- fave song , plastic shadow by Blindspott.
so where was i?
Andrew..
hmmm, the boy that i adore, he is gorjus, both in personality and in looks ( to me at least anyway)
heres our history..
boy meets girl, girl likes boy, girl asks boy out, boy says "yes", boy and girl go out.. girl breaks up with boy, boy and girl are still friends.. boy and girl talk, boy likes girl, again, boy asks girl out, girl says "yes", boy and girl go out, again, girl breaks up with boy, again.. girl and boy are still friends.. boy asks girl out, girl says "yes", again, boy breaks up with girl.. and they are still friends, girl has never stopped liking boy in the 4 years they have known eachother, girl and boy are best friends, girl wonders how boy feels about her...
so thts Andrew and i in a nut shell..!! and yeh.. im in love with the one guy i know it wont work out with..wel.. actually it could, is it a good thing to be able to picture urself married and old with someone at such a young age?!?
He.. * sigh * he makes me so happy, i can not imagine my life without him in it now, we talk almost every single day and it has been that way for comin up 4 years, i have a dependancy on him being there, the hardest part of the last year has been the week or so coming up to our last break up, we didnt speak at all.. it broke my heart in more ways then one and i have never felt such pain in my life as when i was not in contact with him.
I dont know what id do without him, he is just.. i dunno, he just is!
He is my go-to guy, i talk to him about almost everything i feel comfortable sharing, hes been there for me when ive been at my worst and been there while ive been at my best, he knows me almost inside and out, if he ever left, my world would stop until i found some way of coping without him. He will always be in my heart coz i have never felt for anyone else the way i do for him and i haven't the slightest clue to how he feels about me, i dunno if that is a good thing or a bad thing...
When i am around him, the rest of the world doesnt matter, its only ever him and I, Casey and Andrew.. im never without a smile when hes by my side..
He is one of my oldest, closest friends and i am constantly talking about him, theres just not stopping me! i wouldnt ever want to stop talking bout him.
he gets jealous and protective over me, i love the attention he gives me, his smile, his glasses, his tantrums, his grumpiness and his mood swings, i love the way he talks to me, his laugh, his protectivness, his dependancy and independancy, i love the way he stil gives me butterflies and how he wants to hug me.
I hate the way it is when im not talking to him, i hate the way that he never hugs me, i hate the urges i have just to kiss him when hes not there, i hate that he isnt, always there, i hate the way he doesnt like me, i hate the way i cant be with him, most of all, i hate the way i love him.
ugh, sorry...
and then theres Sam.. He is in Germany for a year and when i last saw him he held me for a bit, a hug that says "i love you and that will never change, i dont ever want to loose you", it has been one of the best moments of my life, being in the protective arms that were made especially for me, in the arms of someone i love..
God, theres Andrew and Sam.. two very different guys, with one thing in common, ME!
Sam and i had a thing back 3 yrs ago, we never did go out, but we were pretty much a couple, and then he got a girlfriend.. my heart shattered and i hated him for a long time, but everytime we talked after then all my feelings for him came back, ones that are hard to ignore, i think i love him, i think we could work. I cant describe the way i felt when he held me in his arms, the way he held my hand and the way he kissed my head when i wasnt looking. i love the way he cares for me, the way he calls me hun and the way that i cant resist him..
IS THIS NORMAL!?!?!
someone help...
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Do you think about Sam when you are with Andrew? You sound like you truly love Andrew but are curious about Sam. Sam intrigues you. The attention he shows, yet there was no real relationship so it's a mystery. Could be that the pain of not having Andrew around you, you are feeling unloved and searching for someone to care for you. Sam comes to mind since he showed those signs before.
If you wonder how Andrew feels just ask him. Even if it's not what you want to hear you will know and be able to go on. Life brings pain but we grow from it. You've been together since around the time you were 14?? Young love is sooo wonderful but sometimes people just grow away from each other as they get older and esp as you two are about to graduate high school and think about college and your future careers.
Have you ever talked about what each of you want / expect for the future? Career choices? Marriage? If one got a job in a different area / city would the other follow? How long before you plan to have a child? How many children? Same idea of raising children (easy on discipline or a strict parent)? Babysitter / daycare? Money - sep. accounts or joint. All these issues can make or break a relationship / marriage.
crzychick
i think you are right. I crave attention from Andrew, its been there from day one and im not used to not having it there. SAm.. lol hes amazing.
Andrew and i joke around all the time about getting married and having two kids, i know what he wants to do when he leaves high school, hes thinking bout leaving now and we're only into our 2nd term ( out of 4) and he knows what i want to do or thinking of doing, i wont travel without my husband so if we marry he'd have to come and if he does what he wants to do then it'l be easy for him to get a job coz everywhere has power right? lol
i dunno, only God know whats gna happen, no matter how much i want it to work out ive accepted that it might not, some ppl are jsut destined to be friends.
=] thanks.
KaeCee
How ever it works out be sure you always cherish the strong bond of friendship you both have and don't lose contact with each other if you do go sep ways.
Perhaps neither guy is right for you. As you say only God knows. He may have someone else planned for you. So go on with your studies and make yourself the best you, you can be. Learn to be independent and not needing someone around to validate you. That is called being co-dependent.
The man you are to meet will be looking for a self confidant, self assured WOMAN. Become her. He'll want someone he can have interesting conversations with as well as having fun walking in the rain with.
I think too as you get past looking for that person to "complete" you or to validate you that might help you with not pulling. As we become stronger with ourselves and get self confidence I've found I don't want to pull as much which in turn builds my self esteem. It's a win / win.
I know it's hard to beak that "if I could just find someone to love me everything will fall in place" thinking. But it's true, you have to love you. You have to accept you. You have to grow and make you the best you that there is. Others will see that in you and want to be around you, they will wonder what your secret is. How you got it all together. Everyone has their own problems. Only theirs don't show as bald spots like ours do.
I hope I'm not too preachy or too much of a "know it all" I know that all sounds so simple and it's not. I'm struggling with it myself. But I'm trying to get there. But I'm just getting my eyes open at age 45 you are a LOT younger and I hope you get your life straight sooner and don't have to go thru what I did. ((HUGS)) Only trying to help.
crzychick
you tell me everything i know, im jsut too scared to admit it!
thanks!
KaeCee