KaeCee's Journal

i should let ya'll know im doing ok. im not so stressed, well OK i am..
and i still feel like shit, but not as bad as i have recently, which is great!
I might be changing classes at school so thats an upside atm.
im still really behind in most of my school work but ive let it go.. ive let it drop off my shoulders and Jesus has picked it up!

He's always going to be there for me, even when ive turned my back on Him, He loves me unconditionally and for that i am forever greatful!

Ive started easing myself back into bible study and God, reading Echo's of Mercy right now and that is a good way to see how God uses us and provides for us.
Il be reading my new believers bible again soon, it just seems so mundane, i cant really get over my thinking that the Bible is just a story, when i know that its NOT!
but what can i do to make me realise that it is not a story, it actually happened!
Im the type of person that needs hard proof of someting existing.. Like i feel like i need to see a miracle happen right infront of me to believe, like i need to feel the holy spirit in me, i need proof!!! and ive asked God for it but all i get back is "What more proof do you need Casey? Here is my Word, here are my people, just take a step out" and its places like easter camp when i think "YES! God is real, he is my saviour, my redemer, my creator, my father! all these people would not be here if He was not real!" and of course i have to put on this silly front to all the youth and everyone at church that says "I believe in Christ, He is alive!" when i dont even believe it!
Il be reading the Bible and come across a verse that says about Gods never ending love for me and then il get a wee voice in my head that goes "No, Casey! Are you stupid!? God is not real! He is not real and you know it! stop being so stupid!" n i hate myself for thinking like that!

and i know that its the Devil and he doesnt want me to be a follower of Christ so he'l do anything to stop me being one, but it still doesnt stop me thinking tht maybe this lil voice is right!
but then i tell myself "Kc, do not listen to that! You are spending time with God and thats what He wants, Satan hates it when you spend time with God, so spend more time with Him jst to get back at Satan for all the bad things he has done in your life!!!"

My best friends boyfriend was in a car accident the other night, he was not seriously hurt but its still very scary! and worrying! He is only on his restricted and was driving out side of curfew so, thats bad in itself, he was not wearing a seatbelt so thats bad again, this car that hit him was speeding.. bad again and did not have his lights on! even worse! so Jaden pulled out not seeing this car comin because of some trees that were in the way and WHAM this speeding car hit him! right in the drivers side door!
I really think that God was looking after Jaden that night and that Satan was after Jaden, anyway to destroy. So i thank God for being there for Jaden when he needed it most!

xxx

Casey