virgo090990's Journal

So me and my girlfriend broke up. we been together for a year and a half, as you may know.  im going to a new school next year since i live with my mom now and we cant rele see each other this summer so it makes it hard.  she just moved in with her aunt and uncle, guess hes rele strict (hes a cop so ya know how they are)  i just talked to her though and i feel alittle better. she still wants to be with me which makes me feel alittle better and she wants us to get back together when we can see each other more. which should be in 2 weeks at the latest cuz i get my liscence then.  then we can go out and do fun things we rele couldnt do b4. too bad her parents hate me and probably told her aunt and uncle that im a horrible person and a bad influence on her, which is far from the case.  im a good and very loving, caring, sensitive person, and last yr im the reason she passed school, and im the one who was always there for her, helping her whenever i possibly could. Its funny how parents never see the real picture when it comes to stuff like that, especially i think in a gay relationship.  im just horrible at saying goodbye to people and i hate when we break up, i mean we still talk but i have this horrible feeling in my stomach and i can never eat.  My mind goes crazy on me like "what if she finds someone else" or "what if she moves on while im still waiting for another chance" it sucks.  but i know its for the best right now.  We had alot of problems and our relationship wasnt very stable or healthy.  But ive realized alot of it was me and not her. i became too controlling because of my own insecurites and thats not good. i was never like that and never wanted to be that way.  my mom just told me this quote and i love it..." the only thing in life you can change is yourself, and sometimes that changes everything" i had become a person that i hated and not only that, it wansnt me. so ive taken it upon myself to change, change back into the fun-loving,trusting girl that i used to be, the one i am deep down. because i want to change everything. im a girl that would love to change everyones life and make people happy and id change the world in a heartbeat if i could. so we will see what happens ill keep you updated on the changing process and the heartbreak.