AnJ23's Journal

Today was horrible : my last period was in march 2007.. today May 27 I started my period.. : ( I was hoping we were finally pregnant and for the past two weeks I was craving foods and could feel this tiny bump in the center of my tummy, I was just hoping nad praying all week.. the worst of things my husband woke up and rubbed my tummy and said I love you little one.. Thinking I was still asleep I could feel the lump in my throat knowing that he was soo excited and wishing so hard for us to have finally conceived.. the dissapointment when I ran to the john and sat there crying all alone thinking he was sure to be upset with me.. he just keeps saying its ok.. its ok.. we will.. but deep down I dont feel any we wills I feel like its lost, there isnt any hope for me. I cant lose weight tho I try and I seem to gain more..  when I was a kid all I ever wanted to be was a mother.. when My sister got pregnant I was so excited for her, thought she was 17 and mom and dad were mad as ( we know the word being used there!) Deep down I felt this was a great thing and ever since I have looked up to her and wanted to be a mom just like her. ( sappy and sad I know) I dont have horribly long cycles tho lately It seems like they are getting further and further apart.. Its hard, When I think I cant have a child I just want to stop trying.. stop all sex all together so as not to even get my hopes up thinking when its late I could be.. my hubby supports me and I know he just really doesnt understand and Its hard for him as well. I just need hope .. I want a family sooo bad ... and its seeming so impossible.