crash501953's Journal

ok, it was still here.

so, the last I knew, I was telling you about this girl (woman actually)  I hooked up with while working at the pizza place. We moved in together and things were ok. When I left Texas, she stayed. But 2 months later, she came up here to be with me. We stayed at a motel at first, and with just a bed in the room, she got pregnant.  My son Alex was born on November 23rd, 1985. That date will pop up again later. My son Alex is so wonderfu, I gotta tell you, I sometimes think I am not his real father. I think he may be the second coming. The signs are there. And the only thing that keeps me grounded and not falling down and kissing his feet is something that happened when he was about 8 years old. My sister had this old school picture of me stuck on the front of her refridgerator. I had this really wierd shirt on. It was orange with big (inch or so) white stars all over it and was in a kind of cowboy cut. I remember that shirt to this day. But, I digress. My son saw the picture and said to my sister, "I never had a shirt like that aunt Margaret, where did you get that picture of me. Unbeievable resembance. I looked so much at that age like my son, he did not know it was not him.

So, as good a person as he is, he is my son. I do not know what I did right, but I thank God for giving me such a gift. Anyway, time passed and Debbie, his mom, grew tired of me. I did not have enough sex drive for her. And I am ashamed to admit, but I was cheating on her. We were having on going troubles. On March 4th, she was going out to Michigan with our son to visit her parents. Two days before she was gonna leave, I made a decision that I wanted this relationship to work. I saw the girl I was cheating with that night and I told her that  I did not want to hurt her, but I was going to try and make things work with Debbie. She knew the whole time about Debbie. But, sadly Linda was not the brightest bulb in the chandalier. She was not retarded, but she had some sort of learning/processing problem. And she had fallen in love with me. I told her I was sorry and dropped her at her apartment.  I decided I would devote myself to making Debbie happy. She and Alex went to Michigan. She came back two days later. I remember it so cleary. She was standing at the stove making dinner and I walked up behind her and put my arms around her and nuzzled her neck. She went kinda stiff and I could tell she was not comfortabe with my attention. So, I stepped back and asked her if she had something to say to me. She said, I want you to leave". I was devastated. Here for 4 days or so I was thinking everything was gonna be okay and now THIS?   But I have never been one to stay where I am not wanted. I threw most of my clothes into a big garbage bag and went to ive in a motel.  I later found out that, while driving cab one day, she had met a guy that "made her feel pretty".  He was at that time in jail.  I got drunk one night and broke into her house and found a letter she had written to him. It said she loved him. Well, when he got out of jail she moved with him into Jhis mothers house. And him  her and Alex lived ther for several years. I saw Alex every weekend and sometimes more. He started school that year.  I do not want to critisize Debbie. I do not speakn ill of the dead. Yes, she died about 2 weeks before Chritmas last year. But, she would never get out of bed  to get Alex off to school. Even in kindergarten, he had to do it himself. As time went on, Alex's grades were poor. He was missing between 30 and 50 days of school a year. It was tearing me up inside. I knew he is smart, but that many days, how could he keep up?  Then Jim got in bigtime trouble. He was wanted by 5 different police agencies. He went on the lam. His mother was a very sick old woman and she died. I was at home one day getting ready to go to work at my job of Inspector for the N. Y. State dept. of Agriculture.  The phone rang. It was the NY state police and they wanted to know if I could come and get Alex.  I asked their phone number and said I would call back as soon as I called my work but I was sure my boss would understand. He did understand and said he would deal with covering me.  I went and got Alex. She had left him alone with that sick senile old lady and the woman died. My son was alone with just a dead old lady for hours. I was shocked that she would do such a thing. Eventually she got ahold of me and I reluctanty let her have Alex back.  Well, Jim was still on the run. And he took all the money from his mothers bank account and they moved to the Southern tier of NYS. 120 miles away. Alex was in the 5th grade then and his grades were barely passing. It was two years after Debbie asked me to leave before I found another girlfriend. This is getting mixed up. Let me give a time line. March 1989, Debbie asks me to leave. After 2 years of grieving the loss of yet another relationship. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that on the night of August 4th 1989, I was run over by a car. My left leg was run over by the rear wheel. It was a rear wheel drive car and he had it floored. My leg broke and below the break my legs sort of spun I guess. Because about 3 inches of bone simple disintegrated. The doctor told me I would probaby never walk again. I was 35 years old and you do not just regrow bones at that age. No Harry Potter magic potion caled skelagrow. LOL It was my regular doctor that told me that.  The next day, An orthopedic surgeon  came to look. My doctor had put a cast on and had me in traction.  The Ortho doc told my reg doc that if I was ever gonna walk again something else would have to be done. He talked to me and said there were 3 options. Outlined them all for me and asked which I wanted. I said "hell, you are the doctor, what would you do if it was your leg" He said he would use wnat is called an external fixation device. I said go for it. They did surgery the next day. He put 4 stainess steel pins through my leg cross ways. through the bone. Two above the break and two below And this big metal thing that went half way around my leg to hold it in place so that it woud remain stable while my bone regrew.  But, he came into my room the next morning to see how I was doing. He had me lift my leg. When I did, the part below the break kinda dropped down a ittle. He shook his head and said "Hmmm what can we do about that?" This thing was curved and went over the top of my leg and had little connection places all over. I said to the doc, "how about you put a couple of pins above and below the break on the top of my leg and anchor them to the device to hold it?" He said good idea.  Back to sugery the next morning. I asked him if I would ever walk again, he said absolutey but it would be about 2 years. two years and one month later I went to work as an Inspector. Guy knew his stuff. 

More next time. I have been at this for about 2 1/2 hours. And you can bet your ass I am saving journal entry lol