gmac's Journal

Well today was to be a great day, and it started off to be.  I worked until 12:30 only.  I am working only part time right now - for stress relief and its not helping.  Waiting I think to get things in order to be gone a month or two.  I am so very lucky that I have a great company.  They understand and are willing to help me through this. 

My sons' class had a puppet show.  I couldnt wait.  he has worked on making his puppet for weeks and today I got to see the play.  I laughed and it was great time.  He was very creative and I loved every minute of it.

Right after school I had to take him to meet my parents - as he is going there for the weekend .(in a golf tournament).  He was so looking forward to it.  The drive was 1 1/2 hours to meet them half way.  Country roads so I had no worries.  It was fine when he was with me.  No problem we played road games and spent some real quality time.  Met my parents and had a nice short visit over supper and then I had to say good bye.  Oh my goodness - he is only gone 3 nights and you would have thought he was going for a month.  I didnt show him that I was upset - I waited till they pulled away.  Then I sat in my car and cried.  I managed to catch my breath and start my car.  All the way home I gripped the steering wheel so tight I thought I was going to break it.  I talked to myself - and even prayed that I would get home OK.  What a horrible feeling.  Is it anxiety?  or is it being alone?  Not quite sure. 

I got home OK - no issues and I took a clonezapam and finally I have managed to settle down.  Why is this happening and when will I beat it.  I was always such a strong person.  I have gone through so much - and always made it through.  I am strong willed and can beat this.  I can I can I can