Still missing you! May 8, 2008
Today it is raining. Am doing a little better. Social worker from Hospice came …
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When I worked with hospice, we often discussed "anticipatory grief." I experienced that type of grief before my dad's death. My dad's death went relatively quickly from the time we knew that his cancer was terminal. Now my mom is declining. Hers is going to be SLOW. It sucks. I don't look forward to watching (from a distance) her decline so slowly.
Her status right now is stable, but she is so different than she was a month ago. She hasn't really been able to participate in physical therapy because of a few other conditions in addition to her broken hip. She had a bladder infection, pneumonia, very high blood sugar, and generalized weakness. Now the poor thing has bad feet. My sister said they are black on the heels and it's moving around to the top of the feet. Not a good thing for a diabetic lady. She also hasn't been able to eat. Her bowels are not moving and she is really nauseous. I know it's only 2 weeks after her surgery, but I just have this sense that her body is shutting down. It's hard to tell when I can't lay my own eyes on her. She is still going to dialysis. She decided against hospice for now. She's not as confused, but she still isn't the sharp lady I knew a month ago. She now requires nearly total care. She tells me that her primary motivation is to be able to transfer herself from bed to chair so she doesn't have to use the Hoyer lift.
All I can do is love her, call her and send "kid art." I'm waiting for air fares to go down (HA) so that I can take the kids to see her. I strongly contemplated Amtrack because the fare was cheaper, but the idea of riding coach with two hyper kids for over 24 hours does not thrill me... But then again, the thought of traveling to Arizona and NOT coming back to the sloppy winter is a nice thought! I'm sure I can find plenty of work as a nursing home social worker in AZ. (Just dreaming a little.)
I have so much more I want to write, but I have a little boy who is practicing patience waiting for his turn on the computer!
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Aww thats no good.... hey sorry i havent kept in touch this big wall called denial has prevented me from coming on here. I cant remember if ur abuser was ur father, but my abuser ( my grand father) died of terminal cancer too very quickly 6 weeks infact. Anyways just sending you some love, hope your doing ok talk anytime xox
teagzie88
We will get throw this together just like we did your Dad died.
I am still working on the money for the air tickets for you and the kids. I just wish I was able to go with you and the kids. (You better come back with our kids or I will hunt you down. Ha Ha HA)
Kurt
ahhh Leslie, I am so sorry. God, it's so hard watching parents lose it or become sedentary. I am so sorry. I am here for you. I feel your pain. My dad passed away a long time ago and my mom is all I have. Hearing your story makes me appreciate her. Go see your mom when you can. It will make you feel better. Amtrak doesn't sound great. I understand that. Know that I am here for you. If anything should happen, I will totally listen. I will need you if anything happens to my mom. LOVE
Holstar
I'm so sorry...only just catching up on journals...I'm not sure there's a more helpless feeling than watching someone die - I'll be thinking of you and I hope you find a way to get down to AZ soon...*HUGS*
hugs4smiles