LillyBlossom's Journal

I'm having a really tough time again.  I've turned into a needy, high maintenence friend.  I don't know how to make myself get ready for another day.  I'm not doing anybody any good with the depression I'm in.  I wish I could just change my attitude and make it all better.  I wish I could just focus on others like I"m supposed to and not have this pain be in the way.  I wish I could think straight at work and not be so forgetful.  I wish I wasn't in crisis.  I don't even know WHY I'm in crisis.  I don't know why I'm so upset all the time.  I can think of a hundread reasons why, but I don't know how to manage all of this.  I'm embarrased to ask for help from my doctor because I don't want to be one of those patients who bugs the doc without a "real" reason.  I don't want to deal with the receptionist's confusion when I tell her why I want to see the doctor.  I don't want to look as needy as I am.  Especially when I don't know why I'm so needy.  I feel like I look crazy and I probably do look crazy.  I just don't want to be written off as merely crazy when I could benefit from some help.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the beginning of September, and it just feels too far away.  I need help now and short of going to the hospital, I don't know how to get it.