LillyBlossom's Journal

I am finally feeling like I can start my week and it's Friday, LOL!  I've missed 2 days of work and the 2 days I have worked were partial days.  Oh, well, I couldn't work in the condition I was in.  I did work yesterday and saw a family.  My skills were in tune and I didn't get in the way with my own garbage.  It was very encouraging to know that I can rise up to the occaisiion when I need to.

Thank you for being my friends.

Leslie

I didn't have the conversation I needed to at work today because I ended up in the ER with a migraine, of all things.  I will attempt this conversation tomorrow and will try to remain horizontal instead of vertical at work, LOL.

I am going to keep trying until something changes.  I saw my therapist this evening, and I feel like I am gaining some partners to help me navigate this part of my life's journey.  Along with the amazing support I'm receiving from God and each of you, I will pull through.  

Thanks to each and every one of you for the priveledge of your friendship.

I will be having a difficult conversation at work today.  I feel better than I did yesterday, but I know that I'm still very fragile and even unstable.  Since I work with hospice patients, I'm very concerned about feeling this way while working with them.  I'm not okay enough to give them the presence and care that they need.  I realize that telling my supervisor and administrator these things may cost me my job, but I'd rather have this conversation up front than to have a breakdown and damage someone who is more fragile than I am. 

About the job:  My husband can't hold a job.  I sought this job because someone neeeds to provide for our family.  I think I can work, just perhaps not at a job where I'm helping people walk through the last part of their journey on this earth.  If I were more stable, I'd be very good at this work, but I'm not very stable and my patients deserve someone who is not just trying to hold it together.  

If my employer can find another position for me, great.  I don't think they are going to think I'm a nut case, unless I didn't have this conversation and I started to act like a nut case.

I'm afraid of not having income.  I will look for another job if I do lose this one.  Maybe they'd allow me to come back after I get my head together.  But I can't even concentrate on my paperwork right now, so I don't think I'm serving my patients or my employer very well.

I was on disability years ago.  I don't know if I'd be able to get back on again, but if I can, I think I could handle part time, but I'm still scared for providing for my family.  

If anyone has experience getting back on disability, I'd appreciate knowing how that was for you.