Affliction's Journal

I decided last night that I would try losing weight again before Barnard. "20 punds to Barnard,"  I kept thinking. Even though it's only a pre college program, it's still Barnard and I could still hopefully get into some wacky lesbian adventures if I were thinner.

That idea came to me while watching If These Walls Could Talk 2.  I figure tht unless I get thin by college, I'll never be with a girl I like. That, or I won't lost my v-card until I'm 30.

 The losing weight thing Isn't all about getting laid, though (however great that may be)  I hate the way I am and the way I look. Sure, I've got a pretty face, but they say that to all fat girls. II hate having to shell out extra money for clothes at fat girl stores. Hell, I hate being in fat girl stores. It feels so demeaning. Especially when you realise these clothes aren't really fit for anyone other than the blind middle aged (I'm looking at you, Catherine's).

 And then there is this stupid Arthritis crap. It is making it so damn difficult to get through an excercise session. I know I'm supposed to mve, but fuck man. I can't when my joints are deteriorating as I type.

 I am sick of it all. I'm sick of being disgusted with myself after I eat (even if it's nnothing major, I still feel gross) I'm sick of walking around the plus size section of Kmart. I'm sick of girls not being interested in me.

 After this, I am going to clean my room and try and put in an hour of exercise.