freeflowpoet's Journal

I'm having a I have no idea who I am day...

I've started doing some self help from a workbook called the angry heart and I'm stuck on exercise 1.2 (My genes and me)...I don't know or remember much of what I was like before around 7 to 10 yrs, before shit in my life started happening and I spent alot of time away from home and so don't really know what my parents were like - nor did I see them that much either.

Everything's changed now compared to then, my recovery, my relationship with my family and me, but when I look within I don't know who I really am and that makes me feel sad and confused, as well as frustrated as I can't recall me as a child, apart of me also feels cheated.

Here's a poem I wrote about my feelings and thoughts about this:

Personality Wise

Physical body, blood, water, skin and bone

Personality wise...unknown

Who you see interact, Is that really me?

Cause depending on who I ask-

my traits seem to change

and when I stare within myself

I'm numb to who I really am

or maybe I just don't want to know-

like the truth might just scare me so...

Am I hiding Hyde or Jekell inside me

who do I let you see?

And who is it who sees the real me,

not just the niceties that attract

or the masks I wear

but the whole complex mash of traits

passed down, learnt, or activated by other 'forces at work',

who has seen the whole humanness of me,

Am I an angelic demon or a demonic angel,

am I neither or am I both,

what really makes (or should that read shapes) me,

is it my genes, social or environmental things?

The main question purposed is:

Just who am I?

Thanks for reading,

Freeflowpoet.