JJGestapo's Journal

I can feel teh heaviness in teh air, and its nto just teh upcoming rain.  Long story short dad was just saying to my mom hwo he really didnt care over soem silly 34th anniversery today when he's gto bill to worry about, puttin food on teh table, and keepign a home.  I can understnd why he's so upset...btu I can feel that same feelign right now my mom does about it even though she might be silent now.  To me too, little thign slike taht matter, btu today I kidn of feel liek I shoudl take myself out of here.

Again, with school, grades, my major.......all over again.  I have troubel stop crying, maybe its pms stuff but I knwo I just get softer every year and I cry so much more.  I feel liek....I feel liek I couse nothign but troule, liek I was teh extra kid, and extra expense, and extra burden.  Iam another mouth to feed, another school expense, another worry and concern, a burden as I said before.  God I can still feel taht achy silence even though my door is closed.

I cant help it, I wnat to open my mouth btu I keep it shut and cry instead.  I want to yell out and cry until my eyes dry up and sweklll shut soemwhere, I want to be inconsolable and cry.  maybe I shoudl go shopping with mom today....

I feel stupid, I really do.  I dotn care when people say, oh yoru smart and pretty and can do whatever you liek.  Stop lyign to me, I get it, I knwo it.  Oh I am not comparign you, i am just staing facts or just pointign out to you....yeah I have heard it a 1000 tiems over and over.

god why am I angry???  I'll tel you, thigns are pissing me off, I am reachign an edge or at leats see it in my upcoming horizon.  i hate how my friend Sam can get her monday's and friday's off at school, how everyoen can get all this $$ to spend freely on paries and drinkign and shit.  i hate howevery oen never has to worry about school grades calsses and $$ and paperwork and stuff al for school.